Practicing Positivity
April 26, 2018 at 10:22 pm | Posted in Grief | 3 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, gratitude, hope, March of Dimes, premature birth, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child
It is nice to think about trying to make a positive change come out of a negative situation. But no one can truly make the death of a child into a positive. That pain never goes away. This is my reality; our reality. I miss Jake and Sawyer every day. I ache for them always. I cannot make their deaths positive.
I can, however, remember them and love them. I can honor their brother and sister who are here with us, who also help us remember them. And, I can try to prevent other children from dying. I do not want any other families to have to live in a world without their child/children.
So, this coming weekend, I will try to do that by Marching. Marching in memory of Jake and Sawyer, in honor of our twins (who march with us), and to support the March of Dimes which strives to help every baby be born healthy, so no parent will have to go through what we have lived through and live every day.
Thank you to all those who have already supported our March of Dimes, March for Babies team this year and in past years. Thank you also to the hospital where our kids were all born for matching funds so that $1 donated = $2 to March of Dimes. The March of Dimes uses the funds on key research, education and outreach programs. They do great work, and we appreciate all of your kindness and generosity. If you would like to support Jake’s Journey & Sawyer’s Strides , and make sure my marching helps other families, please click this link. Thank you so very much.
February 28, 2018 at 6:28 pm | Posted in Love | Leave a comment
Tags: hope, quotes, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child
Please Help Save Lives
February 11, 2018 at 6:52 pm | Posted in Grief, Love | 3 CommentsTags: Bill 673, Distracted Driving, John Harsch, love, perspective, thoughts
Jake and Sawyer’s short lives have taught me many tough lessons. One, which I already “knew” (but now know with much greater depth and understanding) is how terrible losing a loved one really is, whether it is a child, a parent, a spouse, a grandparent, or anyone who you are close to. That loss and the grief that comes with it is so powerful and completely life-altering.
A family that I hold dear to my heart experienced an untimely loss of a beloved son, husband, brother and uncle, a man who always showed kindness not just to me and my family, but to everyone he encountered in his own community and in his job as doctor. His death was so preventable and such an unnecessary tragedy — he was riding his bicycle with a riding group (he was an avid and well-trained rider), when a driver hit him from behind. The driver was distracted by his cellphone.
We all get distracted by our phones and other devices, but there is no reason for driving while distracted. Whatever that driver was doing could have waited — or if it was so important, he should have pulled over and handled it. But when you are driving, you put yourself and everyone around at risk if you do not pay full attention to the road and your driving.
If you are ever asked to “please help save lives,” you are likely to think, “of course, but how?” Well, the family of that wonderful man, and particularly his wife, are trying to make sure that no other family suffers a loss such as they have, and it creates a simple way for you to truly help save lives. In Georgia, legislation has been proposed to help prevent distracted driving. House Bill 673 sets up commonsense provisions and rules, and penalties that hopefully would make anyone think twice before allowing themselves to become distracted by their phone or other device while driving. They are pushing hard to see the legislation become law, and have gotten plenty of local media coverage to try to convince everyone to support this bill.
I am on board and I have contacted my elected officials to tell them to please help save lives — please pass HB 673. If you are in Georgia, I hope you will contact your legislators in the state house and senate and tell them you support this bill too. You can Find your Legislator at this link. And if you live elsewhere, contact your elected officials and tell them they should be doing more to put a stop to distracted driving too. We have already lost far too many wonderful children, parents, spouses and loved ones to distracted driving. We can all help save others from knowing what I, and so many others, already know all too well.
Mother’s Day when your child is dead
May 12, 2017 at 1:14 pm | Posted in Grief, Love | 4 CommentsTags: Buddha, child loss, life after loss, love, mother's day, Sawyer, thoughts
There are no rules for Mother’s Day without your child/children. We miss our children every day but some days are harder than others. This is one of those days.
- Remember that you are and always will be a mother.
- Know you are not alone. This club has many members.
- The baby/child loss club is not the only one out there. There are those without their mothers on Mother’s Day and countless other loss clubs. Buddha’s story about the mustard seed sums it up perfectly – “in the whole city, in the whole world, there is not one family, not one person free from the certainty of death. It is the way of all living things – we must at some time leave one another.”
- Do one thing (no matter how big or small) for yourself – even if that one thing is crying or showering.
- Honor/remember your child.
- Hug your family and friends a bit tighter.
- Talk about your child. Say their name (or names).
- Be kind to yourself.
I hope that you all have the best day possible.
Hope
April 18, 2017 at 2:18 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 4 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, hope, love, March of Dimes, running, signs, thoughts
Some days hope is hard to find. On my running route, I have discovered a few hints that there is always hope. One time I stumbled upon this sign of hope:
And, on another run I came across this one:
The signs are on telephone poles but that is okay with me. I will take hope however and wherever I can find it.
On my run the other day, I noticed that one of the signs had been painted.
I like to believe that I can still catch a glimpse of hope even though it is now harder to find.
Possibilities and Playing Pokémon
March 20, 2017 at 2:22 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 5 CommentsTags: family, lemonade stand, love, March of Dimes, perspective, Pokemon Go, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child
Yesterday turned into an unexpected mix of spending time with all 4 of my children.
The day started out with Evan and I dropping off the twins at Sunday school and then going over to the cemetery to visit Jake and Sawyer.
The twins (and I) play Pokémon Go. The cemetery happens to have a crazy amount of Pokémon stops – which is where the balls to catch Pokémon are collected. Below is a picture of the cemetery. The blue squares are all Pokémon stops.
The odd thing to me is that apparently some people come to the cemetery just to play Pokémon. What might be even more odd is that I like the fact that where Jake and Sawyer are buried is right near a particular Pokémon stop (see below). I like to think in some cosmic way that Jake and Sawyer are playing the same game that the twins and I are playing.
In addition to playing Pokémon Go, the twins decided that yesterday would be a great day for a Lemonade Stand to remember their brothers. They set one up at the end of our driveway and raised money and awareness for the March of Dimes.
Would you like to join us in our efforts? You can just click on this link and then click the “Walk with Me” button to join our Walk Team. If that is not in the cards (which we know for most of you it is not), consider whether you can support us in our fundraising efforts. Every dollar counts, and every dollar is matched by the hospital where our kids were born, so $1 donated = $2 to the March of Dimes. Click on this link and click the “Donate Now” button. Thanks for your support and any donation you can make!
dreams & denial
September 12, 2016 at 9:30 pm | Posted in after death?, Death, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love | 8 CommentsTags: Buddy, child loss, dark days, death, death of a pet, grief, life after loss, thoughts
August, as I have written about in the past, is filled with happy as well as hard days. This year August started out with our dog, Buddy, dying. I wrote about how I was in denial about his death and wondered how long I could stay there.
On and off throughout the month I was haunted by a dream where I could not find Jake. I would try to go back to sleep in hopes that I could go back to the dream and find him. One weekend I slept as much as possible determined to search for and find Jake in my dreams. It did not work. If I had the dream about Jake I always awoke without finding him.
Last night I finally found Jake in my dreams – he was with Buddy. So, to answer my own question about “how long can I stay in denial?” it seems like the answer is about a month. I sure do miss them both.
“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.” – author unknown
Mother’s Day (& may the 4th be with you all)
May 4, 2016 at 10:04 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love, mother, mourning, Sawyer | 12 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a child, grief, hope, life after loss, mother's day, perspective, thoughts
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Jake and Sawyer, but some days are harder than others. Mother’s Day is one of those days. Logically it is just another day. They are both gone every. single. day. It is not like the first days, weeks and months after they died when the tears so often streamed down my face without me even realizing. Now most of the time my tears are tucked farther away. The sadness and the joy of loving Jake and Sawyer is a part of me.
I know I am not alone. There are so many other mothers in this club with me. There are mothers who this is their first Mother’s Day without their child (or maybe it is the 2nd or 22nd since their child died).
There are also mothers who have died leaving behind their children. This is perhaps their children’s first Mother’s Day without their mother (or maybe it is the 2nd or 22nd since their mother died).
There are motherless mothers and motherless fathers.
There are spouse’s who are filling the role of both parents on Mother’s Day.
Death is part of life. And no matter how hard some days can be life goes on.
As I have already written, Mother’s Day is not my favorite day. I try to focus on the 4 positive pregnancy tests and the 4 live births. I also try not dwell on the 2 emergency C-sections, the NICU, the miscarriage and the 2 deaths. The truth is that all of these events have made me a mother.
I know that this day is hard for so many. There are the other mothers in the club whose arms will also ache to hold their children. There are others who are missing their mothers, grandmothers or partners. I send hope and hugs to you all.
Just drive – help everyone arrive alive
April 18, 2016 at 10:08 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 5 CommentsTags: death, life after loss, thoughts, unexplainable
We are all busy. We all have too much to do and not enough time. We often multi task which includes doing other things while driving. Last week, the world lost an amazing person I was lucky enough to know. He was biking with his cycling group and struck from behind by a car and killed.
I wish there was something I could do to make this nightmare better for his family and friends. I know that there are no words that will bring him back. However, maybe if someone reads this and thinks to take the extra time to slow down or pay attention a similar tragedy could be prevented.
His death was sudden and heart breaking. All was fine and then it was not. I want there to be something good that comes from this tragedy but right now there is another mother living in this world without her son, another wife without her husband, more siblings without their brother and a community that has lost a beloved and wonderful person.
I wish there was something more I could do. I wish no parent had to live in a world without their child.
http://www.ajc.com/news/news/crime-law/henry-county-physician-struck-killed-while-riding-/nq2Jg/
Marching for Hope
March 30, 2016 at 8:28 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 2 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, Jake, life after loss, love, March of Dimes, Sawyer, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child
I do not like it but I have accepted the fact that Jake and Sawyer have died. However, I refuse to give up hope that other babies can live. I do not know how to save these lives but the March of Dimes does. Please if you are in Atlanta consider walking with us on April 30, 2016. Click this link to join Jake’s Journey and Sawyer’s Strides. If that is not in the cards, consider whether you can support us in our fundraising efforts by clicking this link.
Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick — just like Jake was almost 11 years ago. Likewise, thousands of babies are born with birth defects or unknown medical problems that cause great hardships or unexpected deaths — just like what happened to Sawyer more than 6 years ago. We will be walking in March for Babies again this year because we NEED to do something about this, so that no family has to go through what we dealt with when Jake was born at 26 weeks, and no family kisses their child goodnight and never gets to kiss them good morning the next day like what happened with Sawyer. And we need your help. Please support our walk and fundraising efforts. Every dollar makes a difference. And in our case, every $1 = $2 due to a generous match by Northside Hospital. The March of Dimes uses the funds on key research, education and outreach programs. But we need your support. Nothing can be more important than all of us having healthy babies. Making a secure donation is easy: just click here. Thank you for helping us give all babies a healthy start! And thank you for helping us honor and remember Jake and Sawyer’s far-too-short lives.
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