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August 14, 2018 at 7:36 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, Jake, Love | 5 CommentsTags: gratitude, happy birthday, Jake, love
Happy birthday Jake! I am so very thankful that you were born. Your dad and I miss you every day, but some days are just a bit harder.
What kind of teenager would you be? Would you be testing my and your dad’s patience? What would you look like? Would you have had a bar mitzvah?
There are so many questions that will never be answered. However, I do know that your dad and I love you. We miss you today and always.
Happy birthday sweet baby boy. I will look for you in my dreams.
Twelve
August 27, 2017 at 10:28 pm | Posted in Grief | 9 CommentsTags: anniversaries, death of a baby, Jake, life after loss
“It has been said, ‘time heals all wounds.’ I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.” Rose Kennedy
Dear Jake,
I started to write to you on your birthday. I wanted to tell you how much we love and miss you but I just could not write. This year your birthday and your yahrzeit were on the same date. The happiest and the saddest day all in one. Today is the English date that you died. Twelve years ago. I miss you today and every day, even when I can not write to you. I will look for you in my dreams. Love you sweet boy.
Wave of Light 2016
October 18, 2016 at 7:00 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 5 CommentsTags: Atlanta Walk to Remember, child loss, grief, hope, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer, Wave of Light - October 15th
We lit our candles on October 15.
This year and last year I made the candles we lit. I made candles that were given out at the Atlanta Walk to Remember. There is not much I can do to lessen the pain that a bereaved parent carries throughout their lifetime. I am hoping that the candle makes their path a little brighter (even if it is only for a little while).
Marching for Hope
March 30, 2016 at 8:28 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 2 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, Jake, life after loss, love, March of Dimes, Sawyer, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child
I do not like it but I have accepted the fact that Jake and Sawyer have died. However, I refuse to give up hope that other babies can live. I do not know how to save these lives but the March of Dimes does. Please if you are in Atlanta consider walking with us on April 30, 2016. Click this link to join Jake’s Journey and Sawyer’s Strides. If that is not in the cards, consider whether you can support us in our fundraising efforts by clicking this link.
Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick — just like Jake was almost 11 years ago. Likewise, thousands of babies are born with birth defects or unknown medical problems that cause great hardships or unexpected deaths — just like what happened to Sawyer more than 6 years ago. We will be walking in March for Babies again this year because we NEED to do something about this, so that no family has to go through what we dealt with when Jake was born at 26 weeks, and no family kisses their child goodnight and never gets to kiss them good morning the next day like what happened with Sawyer. And we need your help. Please support our walk and fundraising efforts. Every dollar makes a difference. And in our case, every $1 = $2 due to a generous match by Northside Hospital. The March of Dimes uses the funds on key research, education and outreach programs. But we need your support. Nothing can be more important than all of us having healthy babies. Making a secure donation is easy: just click here. Thank you for helping us give all babies a healthy start! And thank you for helping us honor and remember Jake and Sawyer’s far-too-short lives.
thank you so much and a bit of happy
March 1, 2016 at 6:36 pm | Posted in Cemetery, Jake, Love, Sawyer | 3 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, happy, hope, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer
Last week I went to the cemetery and someone left flowers for Jake and Sawyer! I have not been able to figure out who left them but I want to thank you so much for being so thoughtful and for remembering Jake and Sawyer.
Remembering
October 20, 2015 at 9:36 pm | Posted in after death?, Jake, Love, Sawyer | 6 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, Jake, life after loss, new not so normal, Sawyer, unexplainable, what i have learned in the 10 years since Jake died
For remembering Jake.
And many thanks for remembering Sawyer.
I am forever grateful to all who keep Jake’s and Sawyer’s memories alive.
Life goes on (as it should) but another one of the important lessons I have learned in the 10 years since Jake died is I am no longer the same person. Some call it their new normal. I do not think there is anything normal about outliving your child/children.
As a surviving parent I am left to make sense of the unexplainable. Some say that we all have purposes in life which we fulfill throughout our lifetimes. So does that mean that Jake and Sawyer just fulfilled their purpose very quickly and therefore they had very short lives?
I wonder what were their purposes? Are Evan and I supposed to help or continue their purposes? I may never know the answers to these questions but I do know that I want Jake and Sawyer to be remembered.
The other day there was a discussion in the back seat of our car about ages of the twins’ friends and their siblings. One of their friends has a brother who was born in September of 2009. Another friend has a little sister born in December of 2009. After we had dropped off their friends, Evan and I talked to the twins about their little brother, Sawyer, who was born in November of 2009.
Remembering
By Elizabeth Dent
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don’t worry about hurting me further
The depth of my pain doesn’t show.
I’m already crying inside.
The tears that I try to hide.
I’m hurting when you just keep silent.
Pretending he didn’t exist.
I’d rather you mention my child.
Knowing that he has been missed.
You ask me how I was doing.
I say “pretty good” or “fine”.
But the healing is something ongoing.
I feel it will take a lifetime.
October 15th
October 14, 2015 at 9:32 pm | Posted in Jake, life lessons, Sawyer, traditions | 3 CommentsTags: Atlanta Walk to Remember, baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, Jake, October 15th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, Sawyer
Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As part of the day, everyone is invited to light a candle at 7 pm in all time zones, all over the world. The idea is that if everyone lights a candle at 7 pm and keeps it burning for at least 1 hour, there will be a continuous wave of light.
Today and every day I miss Jake and Sawyer but tomorrow at 7 pm we will light candles. This year I will once again hope that the light from all the candles will make the darkness of the unknown a little brighter.
Update – October 15, 2015 at 7:30 pm:
Remembering Jake and Sawyer and all the other babies gone too soon
Walking to Remember – Together
September 30, 2015 at 10:36 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 4 CommentsTags: Atlanta Walk to Remember, child loss, death, death of a baby, Jake, new not so normal, Sawyer, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child, what i have learned in the 10 years since Jake died
One of the difficult and important lessons that I learned after Jake’s death is that I cannot do this alone. After Jake died, Evan and I were told about support groups. At the time, I could barely come to terms with the fact that Jake was dead and I was not. The thought of going to a group where everyone told their own tragic story of their child’s death seemed unimaginable to me.
Then one excruciatingly dark day in January of 2006, I realized that I needed to know how other parents got up every morning and live in a world without their child/children. Evan and I decided that it was time to go to a support group.
Every year since Jake (and then Sawyer) died we have walked in the Atlanta Walk to Remember. It is an event to connect parents and families together to express grief and remember our babies, and to raise awareness. It is not a fundraiser.
It is just a time to remember our lost babies together.
This year the walk will be held on October 4th. For more information and/or to register for the walk click here:
August 26, 2015 at 11:44 pm | Posted in Anniversaries, Grief, Jake | 3 Comments
Tags: child loss, dark days, death of a baby, deathiversary, Jake
“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: there will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.” – author unknown (borrowed from the walk to remember program)
Dear Jake
August 14, 2015 at 11:18 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 8 CommentsTags: baby loss, birthday, child loss, death, death of a baby, gratitude, Jake, life after loss
Happy 10th birthday sweet boy. Thank you for making me a mother. I have tried really hard today to focus on how lucky we are to have had you in our lives even for such a short time. The doctors and the statistics were not in favor of us spending any time on this earth together. You beat the odds and you were born alive. Then the doctors told us that you most likely would not live through the night – but again you proved them wrong. You were such a brave and strong fighter. Thank you for fighting so hard and for making Evan and me parents for the very first time.
I am trying to be brave and strong too but 10 years is an impossibly long time to live in this world without you. I miss you today and always. I hope that wherever you are you know how much you are loved and missed.
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A Mourning Mom 