The Club

November 28, 2011 at 9:06 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, mourning, parents | 12 Comments
Tags: , , , , ,

There is a club that Evan and I have joined.  Not many people talk about it although many have written about it.  There are no dues for this club – at least not monetary ones.  I have no idea how large the club is in numbers.  There are no rules.  No board members.  Unlike most clubs no one actually wants to join this one.

It is a club whose only members are parents who have outlived their children.

Evan and I first joined in 2005 when Jake died.  There are acronyms like “BLM” (baby loss mother) and “BLF” (baby loss father) that I now find to be very common terms.  Membership in this club has taught me that there are no rules to living when your child has died.  You have to do whatever it takes to get you through the day and to survive.  The tools that I used to rely on to live no longer always help me.

I realize now that this club is made up of parents from every religion, class and country.  There is a good chance that some of your neighbors belong to this club.  I thought we already had a lifetime membership but our places in the club were once again secured when Sawyer died.

“Do not judge bereaved parents.
They come in many forms.
They are breathing, but they are dying.
They may look young, but inside they have become ancient.

They smile, but their hearts sob.
They walk, they talk, they cook, they clean, they work,
they are,
but they ARE NOT, all at once.
They are here, but part of them is elsewhere for eternity.”
                                                                                                –Author Unknown


RSS feed for comments on this post. TrackBack URI

  1. The writing above really seems to say it all…thinking of you.

  2. Ahhh.. the club that no one wants to belong to. I too belong to such a club. It is sad, it is soothing, it is a thing unto itself. It is a blessing and a curse these secret clubs… no one knows about them (thank God) until one has to join one.

    A fellow club member,


  3. Knowing a piece of you will always be with Sawyer and Jake, but grateful for all the rest of you that is here to be the wonderful friend, mother, daughter, wife, aunt, granddaughter, niece, that we all hold so dear. – Love, Amy

  4. What a heart breaking, beautiful poem.

  5. The pain of losing a child is something only another grieving parent can understand, so one would think there is comfort in numbers, but as members we know its just not so.
    Much love to you,

  6. What a beautiful heart-wrenching poem.

  7. Oh this is so true… a piece of us will always be somewhere else. Glad I have found you in this club but sad we both have to be here.

  8. What a moving post! The poem has left with so much to think about.

  9. […] know I am not alone.  There are so many other mothers in this club with me.  There are motherless mothers, motherless fathers and those who have just lost.  Death is […]

  10. […] know I am not alone.  There are so many other mothers in this club with me.  There are also mothers who have died leaving behind their children and others who have […]

  11. […] wish that none of us lived in a world without our child/children.  However, the reality is that parents from every religion, class and country have outlived their […]

  12. […] that you are not alone   This club has many […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at
Entries and comments feeds.

%d bloggers like this: