Mother’s Day (& may the 4th be with you all)

May 4, 2016 at 10:04 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love, mother, mourning, Sawyer | 12 Comments
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There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Jake and Sawyer, but some days are harder than others.  Mother’s Day is one of those days.  Logically it is just another day.  They are both gone every. single. day.  It is not like the first days, weeks and months after they died when the tears so often streamed down my face without me even realizing.  Now most of the time my tears are tucked farther away.   The sadness and the joy of loving Jake and Sawyer is a part of me.

I know I am not alone.  There are so many other mothers in this club with me.  There are mothers who this is their first Mother’s Day without their child (or maybe it is the 2nd or 22nd since their child died).

There are also mothers who have died leaving behind their children.  This is perhaps their children’s first Mother’s Day without their mother (or maybe it is the 2nd or 22nd since their mother died).

There are motherless mothers and motherless fathers. 

There are spouse’s who are filling the role of both parents on Mother’s Day.

Death is part of life.  And no matter how hard some days can be life goes on.

As I have already written, Mother’s Day is not my favorite day.  I try to focus on the 4 positive pregnancy tests and the 4 live births.  I also try not dwell on the 2 emergency C-sections, the NICU, the miscarriage and the 2 deaths.  The truth is that all of these events have made me a mother.

I know that this day is hard for so many.  There are the other mothers in the club whose arms will also ache to hold their children.  There are others who are missing their mothers, grandmothers or partners.  I send hope and hugs to you all.



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  1. Wishing you so much love on Mother’s Day:)


    • Thank you! Sending love right back to you and your family. xo

  2. Many hugs. Beautifully written.

    • Thank you – sending hugs to you too. Hope you have a Happy Mother’s Day! xo

  3. Hopefully for you it will be a simple day spent with family this year. Love to you.

    • Thanks so much – love to you too. I hope that you have a good day and a very Happy Mother’s Day! xo

  4. My heart is with you, incredible mama. I hope you have a day full of hugs and sunshine.

    • I am so happy to have your heart with me. I hope that you have a very Happy Mother’s Day and that it is also filled with hugs and sunshine! xo

  5. You’re a great mom and I’m sorry it entails so much pain.

    Mothers Day is hard for me for very different reasons.

  6. Thank you so much David. I can only imagine the ways that this day is hard for you and I am so very sorry. I tried to edit my post to be more inclusive. Sending you lots of hugs and hope. xo

  7. Sending hugs to you my friend. When I think of great moms…I think of you. Love you!

  8. I just love you with all my heart. I wish that were enough to make everything perfect and all that you deserve.

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