August 27th

August 27, 2010 at 9:14 am | Posted in NICU | 12 Comments
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When we got to the NICU I knew that there was not going to be a miracle for Jake.   The ventilator and the medications were no longer helping.   Jake had made the decision for us.   We did not have to be the ones to decide to take him off the ventilator.  This was just one of the many gifts Jake gave to us.

Bridget, the NICU nurse, said that I could hold him.   I had never held him before.   I knew this would be my first and last day to hold Jake.

Holding Jake

Evan was also able to hold him.

Evan Holding Jake

At 6:14 am Jake’s heroic struggle ended. Jake gave it everything he had, and we were and still are so proud of him. Sometimes the challenges you face in life are simply too much.

The NICU nurses helped us to give him a bath and to dress him.  He had never been outside and they suggested we spend some time with him on the terrace outside the NICU.

Family picture

We were very lucky to have been chosen by Jake to be his parents.

I miss Jake today and every day.   Some days are just tougher.


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  1. Crying here. I’m so sorry Lanie. I cannot even imagine that you have gone through this not only once but twice.

  2. Dearest Lanie and Evan, our love for you and all your children grows every day. We cannot put into words the depth and breadth of our love, compassion, and appreciation for all of you. We are grateful that we were chosen to be your parents and Jake’s Nanny and Pop.
    Love always and Forever

  3. Lanie, These posts are so beautiful and I have read every one over and over. Thank you for sharing your story so candidly. I know that in addition to helping yourself you are undoubtedly helping so many others. Love to you, Joanna

  4. Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts and pictures.

  5. I am crying for you. For us. Please know that I am holding you and your husband in my heart.

  6. Jake is in our hearts, and so are all of you. Thanks for letting us into yours.

  7. Thank you for helping us get to know jake just a little bit more. Beautiful post. xo

  8. I am so sorry for your losses of Jake and Sawyer. Thank you for your heartfelt writing. The pictures of you are so heartbreakingly beautiful.

  9. […] was the first time we had been back to the hospital since the horrible day that Jake had […]

  10. […] can barely make it though losing Jake and Sawyer even with being told by everyone that I did everything right, but that some things cannot […]

  11. […] do not like it but I have accepted the fact that Jake and Sawyer have died.  However, I refuse to give up hope that other babies will live.  I do not […]

  12. As always, you say so much with just a few special words. We are in awe of your ability to be so strong as a mother and wife and a key part of a family who has dealt with so much too soon.

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