the best bad news ever

March 14, 2016 at 11:49 pm | Posted in life after loss, life lessons, silver lining | 5 Comments
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About a month ago, we had a sewage problem at our house.  I will spare you the gross details but the result was that our downstairs bathroom needed to be ripped out.

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It was determined that the problem was a pipe in our street.  The City of Atlanta workers came to repair the pipe.   It took a few days.  At the end of the first day I received a call from one of the workers.  He told me he had good news and bad news for me.  The good news was that they could fix the pipe!  I braced myself for the bad news. . .

He told me that when they were trying to determine the problem that one of the city trucks hit our mailbox.  I waited a moment.  Then I asked,  “Is there more bad news?” He said no, it was just the mailbox.  I smiled and happily thanked him for the best bad news ever!  My standards of what qualifies as bad news has greatly changed since 2005. While a ripped up bathroom and a broken mailbox are not ideal, if that is the worst news I will gladly take it.

thank you so much and a bit of happy

March 1, 2016 at 6:36 pm | Posted in Cemetery, Jake, Love, Sawyer | 3 Comments
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Last week I went to the cemetery and someone left flowers for Jake and Sawyer!  I have not been able to figure out who left them but I want to thank you so much for being so thoughtful and for remembering Jake and Sawyer.

Fabulous Friday

June 26, 2015 at 4:44 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 3 Comments
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I am trying to stick to my spring resolution of looking for happiness.  It is not always easy but I did not have to look very far today because when I went to write this post this is what I saw on WordPress:


How fantastic is it that the Supreme Court ruled today to legalize gay marriage nationwide?! And it is great that WordPress is helping to celebrate the good news.

Other, more local, happy moments I found are the following:

  •  I am always joking that I wish I could wrap the twins up in bubble wrap to protect them from the world.  Well, the other weekend they wrapped themselves up. . .

Bubble Wrap


  • Did you know that there are shirts with built-in chest protectors?  I learned about them this week.  The twins went to baseball camp and came home asking for shirts to protect their hearts.  How could I not get them?

Heart Protectors

Hope that you all have a fabulous weekend!

Look for the Happy

May 24, 2015 at 5:55 pm | Posted in Anniversaries, life after loss | 6 Comments
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On the road of life, it is not where you go
but who you are with that makes the difference.

Author Unknown

A very happy Birthday to my brother!


And, a very happy anniversary to Evan!


Fun Friday – Sharing Smiles

January 24, 2014 at 5:22 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss, Love, twins | 5 Comments
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I am struggling to find a happy place today.   So, I thought I would try to cheer myself up by sharing some things that did bring a smile to my face this week:

  • Seeds of Happiness – They are simple, small clay smiley faces.  The twins have yet to give them to anyone but they do have a big time playing with them:

Seeds of Happiness

“Mark Borella, a sculptor, created small smiley faces from left-over lumps of clay. He gave these to his friends whose young son was dying of cancer. He told them: “I know there is nothing I can say or do to make you feel better so I thought I would bring you some smiles to help you get your smile back. ”

He called them Seeds of Happiness.  And his hope is that sharing the smiles continues to grow as their customers plant Seeds around the world.

  • Keeping our dogs warm in the Star Wars coats we found this week:

It is possible that Buddy and Baby are not smiling about their new coats . . .

The movie is all about happiness and what makes people happy.  The movement “is a 28 day program that brings happiness to the center of our lives.”  I need to end this post so that I can go sign up.

Happy Friday and I hope that you all have a good weekend!

Fun Friday with Food

December 20, 2013 at 5:44 pm | Posted in Grief, twins | 4 Comments
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Grieving during the holidays is complicated, so I am continuing my search for the happy.  The other week we made some Hanukkah treats (they were practice for making them with each of the twins’ 1st grade classes).  First, we made marshmallow dreidels.


  • marshmallows
  • pretzel sticks
  • Hershey kisses
  • frosting
  1. Unwrap the Hershey kiss.
  2. Spread frosting on the bottom of the marshmallow.
  3. Place the kiss in the frosting.
  4. Push a pretzel stick on the top of the marshmallow (for the dreidel top).
  5. Cover the whole thing with chocolate magic shell and wait for it to dry.

We did not have the patience for the drying so we skipped #5.

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Yesterday we tried to make tiny gingerbread houses for the twin’s teachers.  We found a recipe in Family Fun Magazine:



  • Graham crackers
  • Sprinkles and sweet decorations, such as, shaped sprinkles or gumdrops – we used Unreal Candy

(we bought pre-made icing but if you want to make icing below is a recipe)

Vanilla Decorating Icing

  • 3 cups  confectioners’ sugar
  • 2 tablespoons  milk
  • 2 tablespoons  light corn syrup
  • 3/4 teaspoon  vanilla extract

Make a Teensy Gingerbread House

1. With a serrated knife, cut the graham cracker pieces as shown. Tip: To create the pairs, cut one piece, then use it as a guide for the second.

2. To assemble, use Vanilla Decorating Icing (or the store bought icing).

3. Let the icing set, then use more to attach sprinkles and other sweet decorations, and let it set.

4. To place the house on a stick , trim a piece of brownie to fit inside the house. Slide the brownie onto a lollipop stick (we used a candy cane), then carefully slide the house on top.

They turned out pretty well:


My helpers were much more interested in the eating than the making. . .and everyone was happy.

Looking for the Happy

December 18, 2013 at 9:22 pm | Posted in Grief, life lessons | 5 Comments
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The dark days of December are always accompanied by holiday parties and cheer.  The people of planet earth should be celebrating and happy because as it has already been established, not everyone lives on planet my baby died.

There are more of us than there should be on planet my baby died.  My heart will forever hurt for those lost and left behind in Newtown. I also know that grief is not reserved for those of us who have outlived a child.  There are so many tragedies that some days, it is so difficult if not impossible to find any happy.

A very wise friend once suggested to me that I just try to find one thing I like to do every day and do it.   It does not matter how small the thing is – it could even be taking a shower.  So, yesterday this is what I found to make me happy . . .

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Hectic, Hope & Hair

October 20, 2012 at 10:20 pm | Posted in Grief, Love, normal?, twins | 11 Comments
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There always seems to be a lot happening in October.  However, this year seems extra crazy busy.  For example, yesterday the twins had a fun run at school, a baseball game and a kindergarten social.  Busy is good for me.  It keeps me moving forward.  No time (or at least not too much time) to stop and think about the 3rd birthday party we would be planning if Sawyer were still alive.

It turns out that hectic schedules are not so great for the twins.  Getting ready quickly to get to the next event is not either of their strong points.  So yesterday when no one would get dressed for baseball.  After lots of whining and a small melt down or two, I surrendered.  Their team was not going to have to forfeit if the twins were not there.  In fact, they do not even keep score.  Little people do not have to be busy all the time.  Finally, they agreed to get dressed for their school social.  And they had a good time.

Until, they didn’t. . .

Today was supposed to be another busy day.  A school fall festival and a hair cut.  I again did not fight the twins when they refused to get dressed to go to their fall festival.  They played pretend.  I braced myself for the fight I thought I would have with them in order to get them dressed to go out for their hair cuts.

Evan and I were pleasantly surprised when 2 little people got dressed and into the car without a melt down.  The twins were excited for this hair cut.  I had donated my hair last year and unintentionally inspired our daughter to grow her hair.  Here is her hair before:

Here is the hair pull that did not hurt (or put anyone in time out):

And, the after picture:


August 30, 2012 at 9:10 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love, silver lining, Time | 10 Comments
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If things get better with age, then you are approaching magnificent. –Unknown

August is filled with happy and sad days for me but it always ends with the birthday of my amazing grandfather.  He is 100! today!! In my opinion he has not only approached magnificent but passed it by long ago.  I am so very lucky to have him in my life.

I submitted the birthday application to have the chance for Williard Scott to wish him a Happy Birthday on the Today Show.  Apparently there are a lot of centenarians these days and Williard Scott did not wish him a happy birthday.  So, I will . . .


Birthday Wishes

July 30, 2012 at 9:50 pm | Posted in Grief, life lessons, Love, silver lining, twins, why I write | 9 Comments
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Happy Birthday!

As I wrote last year on your 4th birthday I am so very thankful for you two.   I am sorry that I did not take you to see your brothers on your birthday.  I just could not this weekend.  I promise that I will very soon.  Then I will take you out for ice cream (thank you Daphne for the brilliant suggestion).

I wish that you had a chance to know your brothers.  I wish that I did not have to explain death to you at such an early age.  I wish that some of your first sentences did not include “don’t cry mama.”

I wish I could find a picture of you from your 3rd birthday.  I will confess to you now that we almost did not have a party for you that year.  After Sawyer died the thought of planning a party was so daunting.  We realized that you no matter how sad we were you 2 deserve happiness (and a birthday party).  We did plan it and if I remember correctly we sent out the invitation the week before.  You both had a great time.  I just wish that 2010 was not such a blur of grief.

I wish that I could have protected you from my dark days.  I wish that you will always know how much sunshine you both bring to me.

I wish that you will continue to look for rainbows where ever you both go and that I can go with you.  And hug you both tightly.  Love you both to the moon and back.

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