August 11, 2010 at 4:35 pm | Posted in pregnancy | 3 Comments

I had my share of bad times in life before 2005.  A broken engagement which I thought at the time I had cried a large river over.   Failed the bar exam and had the fear of not knowing what to do with my life.   Nothing prepared me for 2005.

In early March, 2005 I could not wait to get down the stairs to show my husband the stick I had just peed on.  There were two lines – not just the one that lets you know the pregnancy test is working.  After a year of trying we were pregnant!

I was so happy to be pregnant.  Not as happy about the morning sickness (which no one tells you that it is not only in the morning).   My happiness lasted until May.  We went for our nuchal screening test.  The results were that there was a 1 in 5 chance that our baby had trisomy 21.

We were devastated but somehow we rationalized that 1 in 5 meant that our baby could be among the lucky 4 to not to have trisomy 21.  We had to know for sure so we opted to have a chorionic villus sampling.  We waited the 2 agonizing weeks for the results.

Our baby was the 1 in 5 to have trisomy 21.  Now what?   We went to the genetics clinic and neither of us were carriers.  Spontaneous trisomy 21 – it just happens.  Really?   How could this be possible?  How do these things just happen?

I knew for sure I was continuing this pregnancy and going to raise a downs child.  My husband was not so sure.  We were referred to a counselor and began therapy.  We spoke to a rabbi.  I spoke to other parents of children with trisomy 21.  I researched how to raise a downs child. I read Expecting Adam.

Now I just had to wait for my husband to get on board.  If he did not,  I had already planned to find a way to raise the baby on my own.  I am pro choice but I knew in my heart of hearts that I could not terminate this pregnancy.  I also knew it would not be an easy road raising a downs child. 

One week in late June he agreed.   We were terrified but we were now on the road together.


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  1. Hard choices from the very beginning. You’ve got much more strength than you give yourself credit for.

  2. It’s hard to pinpoint where each journey begins, and yours has certainly taken you up and down and all around all of the bends. I’m so glad you’re diving in to the hard stuff to share your story.

  3. […] for the best bad news ever!  My standards of what qualifies as bad news has greatly changed since 2005. While a ripped up bathroom and a broken mailbox are not ideal, if that is the worst news I will […]

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