Hearts
July 26, 2013 at 9:56 am | Posted in Grief, normal?, Sawyer, twins | 6 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, hope, life after loss, new not so normal, unexplainable
This week the twins had their check up with the pediatric cardiologist. They were both rock stars during the EKG. They both have innocent heart murmurs but otherwise, everything is fine. Their hearts are normal. We will continue regular activity and come back for our next check up.
These are the results that I want to hear. I want both the twins to be healthy and happy. I try so hard to stifle voice that wants to scream, “But, Sawyer was healthy and happy too, until he wasn’t and then he was dead!!” I know that I cannot wrap the twins up in bubble wrap.
The fact that we still do not know why Sawyer died is something I do not let myself think about very often. I have to tuck it away so that it does not consume me. However, during the twin’s cardiologist appointment we need to talk about it. The doctor asked me if there were any updates from the Mayo clinic. No, no updates. We still know that Sawyer had a coarctation of his aorta but it was not narrow enough to cause his death.
I know that there is a very good chance that we will never know the cause of Sawyer’s death. I have accepted this fact but I still do not like it at all.
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A Mourning Mom 
We try not to dwell on that during the non-stress tests, too. The not knowing why is difficult. I know it isn’t changing for us, so I think both of us tuck it away, too. It’s just something beyond our control.
Bravo on the courage to write the words “innocent heart murmurs.” I imagine that was difficult to hear, and probably a challenge for the doctor to say.
Praying for you guys. The twins look awesome!
Comment by rememberingdoria— July 26, 2013 #
I always knew your kiddos are rock stars. I am so sorry you have no answers on Sawyers cause of death. I understand on the bubble wrap. I miss you and was thinking about your kiddos today. Tell them Lady Gaga had 2 babies, but another hen stole them! Lady Gaga is Not a good mom. You on the other hand are an amazing mom. Take care Lanie, Love Amy
Comment by Amy Johnson— July 26, 2013 #
Glad they are well of course, but it must be so hard to have that conversation.
Pics of the kids are gorgeous. Love those happy faces!
Love daphne
Comment by Daphne— July 26, 2013 #
So glad for the good checkup for the twins. Xoxo
Comment by Debbie— July 27, 2013 #
[…] them this week. The twins went to baseball camp and came home asking for shirts to protect their hearts. How could I not get […]
Pingback by Fabulous Friday | A Mourning Mom— June 26, 2015 #
[…] Today the twins had their check up with the pediatric cardiologist. They were both did great during the tests. Their hearts are structurally normal. Everything is fine. We will continue regular activity and come back for our next check up. […]
Pingback by Hearts | A Mourning Mom— November 10, 2015 #