The Balancing Act
October 4, 2012 at 11:14 pm | Posted in Grief, life lessons, normal?, venting | 5 CommentsTags: dark days, death of a baby, Jake, new not so normal, perspective, quotes, Sawyer, unexplainable
Areas of my life which I wish I could find a balance:
1. Answering the question, “how many children do you have?”
The twins started a new school this year. There are new teachers. New parents.
The twins started preschool the week after Sawyer died. We did not plan it that way but it is the way it worked out. It was a small preschool. I had already answered the questions. I had cried the tears in the parking lot.
Sawyer has been gone over 2 years so I can usually answer the question without the tears. The balance I am trying to find is answering the question without the pity that always seem to come along with it. It is hard to explain but I do not want people to feel sorry for us. I just want to be able to answer the question and talk about Jake and Sawyer.
2. “Being so busy I cannot think” coping technique
In 2005, Jake had died. I was still alive and forced to figure out how to live in a world without him. I searched and searched for steps to follow. A guide. Anything to help me get through the excruciatingly painful moments. I realized that being busy was the way to go. I desperately filled every possible moment.
In 2009 after Sawyer died I continued to utilize my “being so busy I cannot think” coping technique. I am at a point where I need to rethink just how busy I keep myself.
I do not know how to find the balance. There might not be a balance. Or, maybe there is and I will find it one day. Till then I will try to take Dr. Seuss’ advice and “step with care and great tact.”
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A Mourning Mom 
I too need to heed Dr. Seuss’ advice. Have a good day Lanie.
Comment by Cate— October 5, 2012 #
Yes indeed you will succeed, it’s only that finding that balance is so darn hard!
Comment by Daphne— October 5, 2012 #
Hi Lanie. Finding balance (or rather “equilibrium” ) is a challenge for most of us throughout our lives. Some, like you, have circumstances causin that challenge to be greater than it might’ be for others. The powerful part is the you recognize it and choose to face it where most will live out their while lives in the state of unbalance that has become comfortable or at least doable despite the toll it is often taking on body mind and or spirit. Btw I use the word equilibrium instead, as balance is more of a static idea, where equilibrium acknowledges there are constant micro shifts in our “weight distribution”, in our being, which coming together in a healthy combination create equanimity or equilibrium or a state of health. It is dynamic, as we are living breathing ever changing humans Love to you Lanie, you are a warrior in the best sense of the word xoxoxo
Comment by Debbie— October 5, 2012 #
Dahlin’, I am wishing you balance and peace. I think of you often and I am, always, inspired by your strength.
Comment by Amy Johnson— October 5, 2012 #
If you do find the balance, please share your secret! We will still love you regardless of whether you’ve found it or not….
Comment by Eden— October 5, 2012 #