A Birthday, A Wedding and 2 Funerals
May 24, 2011 at 9:52 am | Posted in Grief, silver lining | 9 CommentsTags: child loss, gratitude, grief, life after loss
Today is my brother’s birthday. We are 2 years and 2 months apart. I have been told over the years that he was very excited when my parents brought me home for about 2 weeks – at which point he asked if they could return me. He spoke at Jake’s funeral when Evan and I could not. He has called me almost every day since Sawyer died. He has talked me through times that I know I could not have gotten through without him.
I look at myself in this picture of us when we were 2 and 4. If I could, would I warn myself about the path that my life would take? Would I tell myself to make different decisions? I know that life has not turned out the way that I had imagined it would when I was a child.
My brother was gracious enough to share his birthday with Evan and I. The place that we wanted to get married only had 1 date before one of Evan’s brothers left for the Peace Corps in Armenia (but that is a different story).
Eight years ago today we were married. Is it really possible that in 8 years we have had 4 children? We have had 2 funerals. One for our oldest son and one for our youngest.
If I could go back to talk to myself on my wedding day would I warn myself about the heart-break in my future? Would I tell myself that I would bury not 1 but 2 of our children? I honestly do not know the answer to these questions.
One of my favorite English teachers made us memorize the Robert Frost’s poem The Road Not Taken:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I am fortunate enough that the roads I have taken (while they may have not been the easiest) I have had Evan and my brother by my side.
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A Mourning Mom 
I love that poem — and I don’t know if you could warn your younger self — my hunch is she would make the same choices. And looking at those smiling beautiful faces it’s clear to see why. Happy Anniversary, and Happy Birthday to Michael.
Comment by Daphne— May 24, 2011 #
Oh the road less traveled. I would not trade in my heartbreak of today for I would have missed the dance of yesterday. And what a glorious dance it was. Nope. I would not have missed a minute of it.
Linda
Comment by The Good Cook— May 24, 2011 #
I’ve often thought about what it would be like to reanimate the miserable person I was as a teenager: whether I’d do anything differently. I guess the only tangible support I could offer would be a firm promise that things do get better and that somehow you survive the worst moments. I’ve learned lessons from most of mistakes; the only ones I’d change were those involving really uncomfortable shoes.
Comment by Sharyn— May 24, 2011 #
I don’t have any answers either but I’m thinking of you. Happy anniversary. Xo
Comment by kelcey— May 24, 2011 #
Dahlin’, Happy Anniversary. It’s hard to believe it has been eight years since you and Evan were married. Happy Birthday to Michael. When I read your post I thought of one of my favorite Garth Brooks songs. It may sound oversimplified, but I love the message.
Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared beneath the stars above
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known you’d ever say goodbye
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Holding you I held everything
For a moment wasn’t I the king
But if I’d only known how the king would fall
Hey who’s to say you know I might have changed it all
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain
But I’d of had to miss the dance
Yes my life is better left to chance
I could have missed the pain but I’d of had to miss the dance
As always I am thinking of you and sending my love. Amy
Comment by Amy Johnson— May 25, 2011 #
Can’t believe it has been eight years! happy Anniversary to you both. And happy bday michael! Lots of love from Belgium. Miss you!!
Comment by Susan FB— May 25, 2011 #
Happy Anniversary Lanie! And Happy Birthday to Michael ! I can’t believe it has been eight years but then again it seems like just yesterday that we were memorizing poetry in Mr Lewis’ class…… I think of you often. Sending you lots of love. xx Jennifer
Comment by Jennifer Lagdameo— May 25, 2011 #
Great photo of you and your brother! Hopefully you were able to enjoy your anniversary together–and you should be proud that you’ve both continued to work so hard through the hard times you’ve shared.
Comment by eden— June 3, 2011 #
[…] A very happy Birthday to my brother! […]
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