Jake’s Journey and Sawyer’s Strides – #7 March of Dimes Family Team in the Nation!
May 20, 2016 at 6:14 pm | Posted in Grief | 4 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, hope, life after loss, March of Dimes, perspective, ways to honor the memory of your child
Very exciting news that Jake’s Journey and Sawyer’s Strides is the #7 March of Dimes Family Team in the nation!
I would be lying to you if I did not admit that I wish I was writing about something cute or funny that Jake and Sawyer had done. I will never be able to write about Jake and Sawyer’s adventures that they would have had in this world. Despite the fact that they are dead, they have taught me and continue to teach me so much about life and love. I am proud and lucky to be their mom.
Thank you, thank you to all who have supported and to continue to support our family (our March of Dimes team and otherwise). I am hopeful that there will be more teams in honor (as opposed to in memory) of children because of Jake and Sawyer. Thank you all so very much!
Mother’s Day Marketing
May 12, 2016 at 11:10 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer | 6 CommentsTags: baby loss, cemetery, child loss, death of a baby, hope, life after loss, mother's day, Sawyer
As I have done every year since Jake died, I went to the cemetery on Mother’s Day . It is a very busy day at the cemetery, possibly the busiest day all year. I understand that the marketing people want to make the most of the day. There is always a little table set up. Last year they gave out gift bags. The year before there was a Mother’s Day cookout (along with free t-shirts). This year they opted to give out a survey and a rose.
I do not have any better ideas for their marketing team but I do appreciate their effort. Death is a part of life that is difficult to talk about. I appreciate their efforts to help grieving family and friends. I think I will write on the survey that a flower and a survey are better than a cookout at the cemetery but I do wonder what they will come up with for next year.
Mother’s Day (& may the 4th be with you all)
May 4, 2016 at 10:04 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love, mother, mourning, Sawyer | 12 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a child, grief, hope, life after loss, mother's day, perspective, thoughts
There is not a day that goes by that I do not think of Jake and Sawyer, but some days are harder than others. Mother’s Day is one of those days. Logically it is just another day. They are both gone every. single. day. It is not like the first days, weeks and months after they died when the tears so often streamed down my face without me even realizing. Now most of the time my tears are tucked farther away. The sadness and the joy of loving Jake and Sawyer is a part of me.
I know I am not alone. There are so many other mothers in this club with me. There are mothers who this is their first Mother’s Day without their child (or maybe it is the 2nd or 22nd since their child died).
There are also mothers who have died leaving behind their children. This is perhaps their children’s first Mother’s Day without their mother (or maybe it is the 2nd or 22nd since their mother died).
There are motherless mothers and motherless fathers.
There are spouse’s who are filling the role of both parents on Mother’s Day.
Death is part of life. And no matter how hard some days can be life goes on.
As I have already written, Mother’s Day is not my favorite day. I try to focus on the 4 positive pregnancy tests and the 4 live births. I also try not dwell on the 2 emergency C-sections, the NICU, the miscarriage and the 2 deaths. The truth is that all of these events have made me a mother.
I know that this day is hard for so many. There are the other mothers in the club whose arms will also ache to hold their children. There are others who are missing their mothers, grandmothers or partners. I send hope and hugs to you all.
Saturday
April 28, 2016 at 10:38 pm | Posted in Grief | 5 CommentsTags: child loss, dark days, death of a baby, hope, life after loss, March of Dimes, perspective, premature birth
Early one Saturday in August of 2005 was the first and last time that Evan and I held Jake.
Late afternoon one rainy Saturday in July of 2007 Evan and I met the twins for the first time.
Another Saturday, in December of 2009 Evan and I were told that Sawyer was dead.
This Saturday we will walk in the March of Dimes, March for Babies with 2 of our children and in memory of our other 2. There should be something good that comes from Jake and Sawyer’s lives. There is nothing that will bring them back but this Saturday we will hope for the bright futures of other babies. Thank you to all who are walking with us and supporting us.
Just drive – help everyone arrive alive
April 18, 2016 at 10:08 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 5 CommentsTags: death, life after loss, thoughts, unexplainable
We are all busy. We all have too much to do and not enough time. We often multi task which includes doing other things while driving. Last week, the world lost an amazing person I was lucky enough to know. He was biking with his cycling group and struck from behind by a car and killed.
I wish there was something I could do to make this nightmare better for his family and friends. I know that there are no words that will bring him back. However, maybe if someone reads this and thinks to take the extra time to slow down or pay attention a similar tragedy could be prevented.
His death was sudden and heart breaking. All was fine and then it was not. I want there to be something good that comes from this tragedy but right now there is another mother living in this world without her son, another wife without her husband, more siblings without their brother and a community that has lost a beloved and wonderful person.
I wish there was something more I could do. I wish no parent had to live in a world without their child.
http://www.ajc.com/news/news/crime-law/henry-county-physician-struck-killed-while-riding-/nq2Jg/
Marching for Hope
March 30, 2016 at 8:28 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 2 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, Jake, life after loss, love, March of Dimes, Sawyer, thoughts, ways to honor the memory of your child
I do not like it but I have accepted the fact that Jake and Sawyer have died. However, I refuse to give up hope that other babies can live. I do not know how to save these lives but the March of Dimes does. Please if you are in Atlanta consider walking with us on April 30, 2016. Click this link to join Jake’s Journey and Sawyer’s Strides. If that is not in the cards, consider whether you can support us in our fundraising efforts by clicking this link.
Every day, thousands of babies are born too soon, too small and often very sick — just like Jake was almost 11 years ago. Likewise, thousands of babies are born with birth defects or unknown medical problems that cause great hardships or unexpected deaths — just like what happened to Sawyer more than 6 years ago. We will be walking in March for Babies again this year because we NEED to do something about this, so that no family has to go through what we dealt with when Jake was born at 26 weeks, and no family kisses their child goodnight and never gets to kiss them good morning the next day like what happened with Sawyer. And we need your help. Please support our walk and fundraising efforts. Every dollar makes a difference. And in our case, every $1 = $2 due to a generous match by Northside Hospital. The March of Dimes uses the funds on key research, education and outreach programs. But we need your support. Nothing can be more important than all of us having healthy babies. Making a secure donation is easy: just click here. Thank you for helping us give all babies a healthy start! And thank you for helping us honor and remember Jake and Sawyer’s far-too-short lives.
the best bad news ever
March 14, 2016 at 11:49 pm | Posted in life after loss, life lessons, silver lining | 5 CommentsTags: child loss, happy, life after loss, perspective, post traumatic stress disorder
About a month ago, we had a sewage problem at our house. I will spare you the gross details but the result was that our downstairs bathroom needed to be ripped out.
It was determined that the problem was a pipe in our street. The City of Atlanta workers came to repair the pipe. It took a few days. At the end of the first day I received a call from one of the workers. He told me he had good news and bad news for me. The good news was that they could fix the pipe! I braced myself for the bad news. . .
He told me that when they were trying to determine the problem that one of the city trucks hit our mailbox. I waited a moment. Then I asked, “Is there more bad news?” He said no, it was just the mailbox. I smiled and happily thanked him for the best bad news ever! My standards of what qualifies as bad news has greatly changed since 2005. While a ripped up bathroom and a broken mailbox are not ideal, if that is the worst news I will gladly take it.
thank you so much and a bit of happy
March 1, 2016 at 6:36 pm | Posted in Cemetery, Jake, Love, Sawyer | 3 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, happy, hope, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer
Last week I went to the cemetery and someone left flowers for Jake and Sawyer! I have not been able to figure out who left them but I want to thank you so much for being so thoughtful and for remembering Jake and Sawyer.
A bit of hope
February 26, 2016 at 5:48 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss, Love, Sawyer | 5 CommentsTags: baby loss, death, death of a baby, hope, life after loss, Mayo Clinic, pathology, perspective
Sawyer’s pathologist emailed in 2011 that “none of the genetic-DNA mutations that are known to be associated with/responsible for abnormal heart rhythms has been identified in Sawyer.” No one knows what caused Sawyer’s death. I try not to think about this fact often but about once a year Evan or I email Sawyer’s pathologist to touch base. The response is always kind but does not have any new information. However, this year the doctor wrote back that in 2010 they had “sequenced a limited number of genes and nothing was found. We could go back and do whole exome sequencing” again (with 2016 medical advances).
This email gives me a bit hope for so many reasons. One, the doctors have not forgotten about Sawyer. Two, there is the slightest chance that one day we might know what caused Sawyer’s death. This will not bring him back but maybe it will prevent another family from losing their child.
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