Thanks to the twins

July 28, 2011 at 10:42 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, mourning, parents, SIDS, twins | 14 Comments
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Thanks to the twins I have to get up every morning.  After Jake died, there were days I did not see the point in getting out of bed. 

Four months after Jake’s death, Evan and I spoke to a neighbor who had 2 older boys and a 3 month old baby girl who died.  As Evan and I spoke to the parents about the death of their daughter, the 2 little boys were running around us.

As we walked away from their house I thought about how I could cry all day and go on long walks.  I thought how much harder it must be for them to have to get up every day and take care of 2 other children while grieving for another.  And, if I am honest with myself I envied that they had other children at home as we walked back to our empty house.

The birth of the twins did not make me forget Jake but my life became much busier.  My grief for Jake became a part of me and helped me to (hopefully) be a better mother to the twins.

The morning after Sawyer died our house was not empty.  The twins were home waiting for us to take care of them.  I cannot compare Sawyer’s death and Jake’s death at all.  However, after Sawyer died I had to get myself together and take care of the twins.  I cried as I changed their diapers, fed them and put them to bed but I did it.

The twins have no idea how grateful I am they were born and are alive.  I tell them all the time how much I love them and how lucky I am to be their mom but I do not have the words to express how important they are to me.  I hope they do not feel the weight of my world on their little legs.

Happy Birthday!!



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  1. They are so lucky to have such wonderful parents. Happy happy birthday!!!

  2. Happy Birthday Alyssa & Fletcher! xoxo

  3. All of your children are so lucky to have YOU as their mother! So devoted and loving. God bless you and happy birthday to the twins!!
    Love to you,

  4. You are all blessed to have each other.


  5. Happy Birthday!

  6. Happy birthday to the kids. And great job to their terrific mama!

  7. Their names showed up on my calendar yesterday. Happy Birthday Fletcher and Alyssa! And God bless you, Lanie and Evan. You are wonderful, amazing parents to four remarkable children.

  8. Happy birthday! It may sound odd, but I think there was actually something nice in having a stillbirth and premature baby at the same time, because it always gave me something to do. While I was in recovery and couldn’t go up to the NICU, I spent time with our stillborn daughter. And then I was very busy with our 29&6er. I don’t mean that I prefer having both, but just that there were some advantages as odd as it may sound (I guess I’m mainly comparing to just having a stillbirth or having both in different pregnancies).

  9. Happy Birthday to Alyssa and Fletcher! Have a blessed day!

  10. I can relate to what you mean with having other children to keep you going, after the delivery of our stillborn baby girl, our two boys still needed us and they kept me going, through the tears and the heartache, otherwise I think I would have been even more depressed and found it even harder to push myself through the day. You have a wonderful blog, thank you so much for sharing.

  11. Happy Birthday Fletcher & Alyssa! I am sure that all your children feel from you is love, not the weight of your world, only love.

    My love to you!


  12. Happy birthday, Fletcher and Alyssa. You have already brought much joy to your parents and you will continue to nourish them as they cherish you.
    May there be many happy, healthy returns of this day and wonderful years in between!
    Love, Cornelia

  13. 4 years already! Happy happy birthday to them! We all feel so lucky that they bring everyone such joy! May your birthday wishes come true…

  14. […] the twins were waiting for me to make their dinner and for that I am eternally […]

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