Mother’s Day Marketing

May 12, 2016 at 11:10 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer | 6 Comments
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As I have done every year since Jake died, I went to the cemetery on Mother’s Day .  It is a very busy day at the cemetery, possibly the busiest day all year.  I understand that the marketing people want to make the most of the day.  There is always a little table set up.  Last year they gave out gift bags.  The year before there was a Mother’s Day cookout (along with free t-shirts).  This year they opted to give out a survey and a rose.


I do not have any better ideas for their marketing team but I do appreciate their effort.  Death is a part of life that is difficult to talk about.  I appreciate their efforts to help grieving family and friends.   I think I will write on the survey that a flower and a survey are better than a cookout at the cemetery but I do wonder what they will come up with for next year.


i cannot believe i am writing about this again. . .

June 30, 2014 at 10:50 pm | Posted in after death?, Cemetery, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer | 6 Comments
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Back in November the very kind cemetery people replaced Jake and Sawyer’s headstones. Jake’s headstone has now been replaced 4 times and Sawyer’s has been replaced 3 times.  All seemed fine with the new ones. . .until a few weeks ago.

It has been raining a lot here in Atlanta so I thought maybe there were just water stains on the nameplates.  I finally asked Evan what he thought about the stains.  He said he would call the cemetery people.  They went to check and the coating/finish is peeling off the nameplates.  I am not sure how to feel about this – it sort of seems like a cruel joke.  Should I cry?  Should I laugh?  Could the nameplates really need to be replaced again?  Or, maybe Jake and Sawyer are just playing tricks or trying to give us something to worry about.

The very kind people at the cemetery are looking into it and will let us know.  I will keep reminding myself that nothing is hurting Jake or Sawyer.  There is no urgency to get this fixed.  It might not be according to my plan but the world will keep spinning.

“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White


A resolution (not the New Years kind)

January 2, 2014 at 9:14 pm | Posted in Cemetery, Grief | 3 Comments
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I found out that my friend at the cemetery might have made the call to get Jake and Sawyer’s markers fixed.  I saw him the other day and asked him if he had anything to do with the new markers.  He would not say one way or the other, but I said thank you and I gave him a big hug just in case.

He explained to me that the granite that the markers rest on and the markers themselves are made at the same time.  When Sawyer died we buried him next to Jake, but in the same full-sized plot.  There were no issues with the headstone following Sawyer’s funeral because we did not have Sawyer’s marker added until 2 years later.  When we did add Sawyer’s marker the granite had to be replaced to allow for the 2 markers instead of just Jake’s.

The bolts that held the markers to the granite were not an exact fit which apparently is why the markers moved and shifted.  The bolts have all been replaced now.  However, there is a chance that the markers will shift again because the granite and the markers were still made at different times.  If the markers move again, the next fix would be to replace the entire granite and both of the markers (then the granite and both markers will be made at the same time – and should fit together without being able to shift).

Even with all of these logical solutions, I still like the idea that Jake and Sawyer are playing practical jokes on us.

Wishing you all a Happy 2014!

Written in Stone

September 22, 2013 at 9:38 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer | 5 Comments
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As I explained in this post, the bolts on Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates were replaced.  I still do not understand what happened to the bolts.  There was no construction in the area.  No other recent funerals have been by their plot.  I might have to add this to the long list of unknowns.

Maybe, as my very sweet cousin pointed out Jake and Sawyer are just being boys playing together and being mischievous.  Or perhaps, Jake and Sawyer are just giving us other ways to take care of them.  I do not know.

I do know that the grounds people found other bolts to secure the nameplates for the time being.  They did explain that because these are not the original bolts they might not hold.  This part I understand very well, if the nameplates move again we will have to reorder them both.  If anyone is keeping count that will be the 4th nameplate for Jake and the 3rd for Sawyer.

I am okay with waiting to see what happens and I know that the saying is that “nothing is written in stone.”  But ultimately, these nameplates are written in stone for Jake and Sawyer.  They should be right.

Odd but NOT Ok

September 12, 2013 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love, Sawyer, venting | 12 Comments
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I am drawn quietly to his grave to check on him,

Just as I’d have been drawn quietly to his crib.

I trim the grass around his marker,

And dream of trimming bangs from his forehead.

I place flowers in his vase,

And dream of placing kisses on his cheek.

I hold his memory dear to my heart,

And dream of holding him in my arms.

Author unknown

I no longer have any way to physically take care of Jake or Sawyer.  The best I can do is going to the cemetery and checking on their shared plot.  I know that frequenting a cemetery does not work for some but it is something that I need to do.

Over the last month both Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates have been slightly shifting.  I thought maybe the bolts were loose.  I shift them back and feel better.  Until yesterday.


I could not even shift the plates back.  And, where are the bolts?!  I do not understand.

I called the cemetery office and immediately broke down into tears trying to explain to the receptionist what I was calling about.  Who calls about missing bolts from not just 1 but 2 of their sons’ headstones?!  She finally understood me and agreed to send out a maintenance person.

No one can explain what happened to the bolts that should be securing the nameplates to the granite.   However, they are both repaired for the moment.   We are going to wait and watch to see what happens.  I am so not okay with this.

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