My New Not so Normal

December 30, 2011 at 11:40 am | Posted in Grief, life after loss, normal?, silver lining | 8 Comments
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In three words I can sum up every-
thing I’ve learned about life.
It goes on.  ~Robert Frost

I am not the same person that I was before 2005 – before Jake died.

I went to where I thought was the deepest darkest place in my life.  Then there came a day when I realized that I was still alive and I needed to figure out how to live in a world without Jake.

I called it my new normal.

I tried every day to just live.  I went to work.  I tried to interact with the rest of the world.  When the twins were born my normal life revolved around them and their routine.

I have never gotten “over” Jake but I thought my new normal was working.

Until Sawyer died.  My new normal was thrown a devastating curve ball.

There is nothing normal about 1 child dying let alone 2.   I am now attempting to live my new not so normal.

This new not so normal is not easy for anyone.  It is hard for Evan.   Family and friends suffer the loss of Jake and Sawyer as well as their own challenges and losses in life.  All I can do is try my best every day to live this new not so normal life.

I often repeat to myself a phrase that my high school track coach would yell after us as we ran, “whatever does not kill you will make you stronger.”


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  1. You must be the strongest person in the world. I wish you an extremely healthy and very happy New Year Lanie. Full of goodness and happiness and health.

  2. I hate your new normal and wish to god I could change it. Sending love. Xo

  3. I’m still trying to figure out what my “new normal” is. Love to both of us in 2012 and to everyone else who has suffered through a loss.


  4. Your new normal is stronger than you think. Wishing you all the best in 2012. All my best. Love, Amy

  5. You are always stronger than you think you are. Just keep on living, and allow for the good moments as well as the bad in life. Here’s to 2012–hugs to you all!

  6. I am not really sure there is a normal… Happy New Year to all of you!

  7. […] on the present, the past sneaks in.  I have recently realized that the past is part of my new normal.  People who meet our family now may or might not know that Jake and Sawyer existed.  If they are […]

  8. […] learned in the 10 years since Jake died is I am no longer the same person.  Some call it their new normal.  I do not think there is anything normal about outliving your […]

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