October
October 2, 2011 at 11:58 pm | Posted in Grief | 10 CommentsTags: child loss, gratitude, grief, hope, parenthood, SIDS, SUIDS, unexplainable
Along with being Breast Cancer Awareness month, October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. Did you know that 2,000 women/men lose their babies in 1 day (and that is in the United States alone)?
Myths vs. the truth about pregnancy/infant loss:
Myth: Losing a baby is very uncommon; it won’t happen to me or someone I know.
Truth:
- 25-50% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage (pregnancy.org).
- Stillbirths (the death of a baby after 20 weeks gestation) occur in one in every 160 pregnancies–about 60 stillborn babies every single day (March of Dimes).
- Each year, in the US alone, about 20,000 babies die in their first month of life, many after being born prematurely (March of Dimes).
- SIDS is the leading cause of death among infants ages 1 month to 1 year.
Myth: Pregnancy/infant loss is something that happens to older moms, overweight moms, or moms with health issues.
Truth: “Baby loss” does not discriminate. Often, it’s young, perfectly healthy women who experience the loss of a baby. The Faces of Loss are of ALL kinds of women–young, old, black, white, thin, obese–pregnancy/infant loss can strike anyone.
Myth: Miscarriages and Stillbirths are usually caused by a lack of prenatal care or something else the mother did during her pregnancy.
Truth:
- Almost 100% of miscarriages could not have been prevented, with the majority being caused by chromosomal abnormalities.
- 25% of Stillbirths are caused by placental problems; 15% are caused by an infection; 2-4% are caused by umbilical cord problems, and 50% have no known cause of death whatsoever. While there are risk factors to be aware of (smoking, for instance), the overwhelming majority of stillbirths are completely out of the mother’s control.
Myth: A woman who has just lost a baby wants to forget it ever happened and move on with her life.
Truth: While this may be true for some, many are dying to talk about the child they lost, especially if it was a late-term pregnancy loss or infant loss. The chance to talk freely about their baby(ies), without feeling like they are making everyone uncomfortable, is something many, many women who have lost a baby wish for.
The information above is from I am the Face. Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope tries to put real stories and faces with all of these statistics.
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A Mourning Mom 
My favorite myth is the one about the mother “doing something wrong” to lose the baby. I distinctly remember a friend of my mother’s asking me if I took my prenatal vitamins like I was supposed to. It’s so hard to have to deal with myths like the ones you talked about when you are already carrying so much grief and guilt already. I have always wondered if it all would be different if I had changed just one little thing (although I hadn’t thought to double check if I’d missed my prenatal vitamin any days until that lovely person brought it up). I forwarded your post to a friend of mine who has suffered multiple miscarriages because she recently told me that people keep offering her “advice” for the next pregnancy as though she is doing it all wrong.
Comment by Reese— October 3, 2011 #
Great information lanie. xo
Comment by Kelcey— October 3, 2011 #
It’s crazy how many myths are out there. I remember being asked what I did wrong to cause my miscarriage, and being stumped speechless.
Comment by Daphne— October 3, 2011 #
Lanie,
Your post is so important. This also drives the point home for me in acknowledging what a true act of love it is to take that leap of faith to bring a child into the world. There are so many risks and so much loss of control.
Love,
Amy
Comment by Amy Johnson— October 3, 2011 #
This is great! I really like the last one. I am in no way helped by people “sparing” me by not mentioning our stillborn daughter. I love those who use her name..
Comment by Elizabeth Wiley— October 3, 2011 #
Very interesting information! Thanks for sharing–I learned today!
Comment by eden— October 3, 2011 #
Hi Lanie. My name is Tonya Lowry and I’ve read your blog for a while now. I wanted to tell you about a remembrance event in addition to the one that Northside offers. I’ve been working with an organization called Rock Goodbye Angel. We are having a free BBQ dinner and candlelight remembrance service on Sat Oct. 15th at River Forks Park in Gainesville. It is on a small portion of Lake Lanier and will be beautiful. If you’re interested, please visit http://www.rockgoodbyeangel.org to register or call 770-331-1281. I will be there and would love to meet you. I also plan to be at the Walk to Remember on Sunday and would love to meet you there if you will be attending. My blog is http://www.tonyatalk.blogspot.com. (((HUGS)))
Comment by Tonya— October 5, 2011 #
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