Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day
October 14, 2014 at 10:14 pm | Posted in Grief | 1 CommentTags: Atlanta Walk to Remember, baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, hope, new not so normal, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, ways to honor the memory of your child
“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.” – Author Unknown (borrowed from the Atlanta Walk to Remember 2010 program)
Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. As part of the day, everyone is invited to light a candle at 7 pm in all time zones, all over the world. The idea is that if everyone lights a candle at 7 pm and keeps it burning for at least 1 hour, there will be a continuous wave of light.
The candles that we will light were given out at the Atlanta Walk to Remember 2014. We will be lighting our candles at 7 pm hope you can join us.
October – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month
October 12, 2014 at 9:08 pm | Posted in Grief, traditions | 4 CommentsTags: Atlanta Walk to Remember, child loss, death of a baby, Jake, Sawyer, ways to honor the memory of your child
October, in addition to being Breast Cancer Awareness month, is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month. In 1988, President Ronald Reagan issued a Presidential Proclamation making it a national event. This year the Governor of Georgia also wrote an official proclamation making October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month.
Across the world there are many walks to remember. Families and friends walk to remember their little loved ones. The walk also symbolically joins people who are working towards raising awareness of perinatal loss and care.
The year before Jake died, 10 years ago, three bereaved mothers in Atlanta started the Atlanta Walk to Remember. Last weekend we walked for the 9th time. Originally, Evan and I walked to remember Jake. In 2007, we were lucky enough to walk while pushing the twins in their stroller. Starting in 2010, the 4 of us have walked together every year to remember Jake and Sawyer. The walk this year had the biggest turn out yet. It was in a new location and it was a very special day.
This was also the first year that one of the twins had an activity conflicting with the walk. One of the twins had a flag football game. Evan and I decided to talk to him about it and give him a choice. I was a bit surprised, but maybe I should not have been – he decided to go to the walk. He said “I can play in the game next week.”
Each week in his 2nd grade class they write the “Weekend News.” Here is his from last week:
In case you cannot read this, it says “My dad’s a[u]nt came over. I went to the walk to rem[em]ber. With my spicey monky. I went [to] the walk to rem[em]ber bec[a]use two of my brothers died. I had a good walk.” And so did we.
neighbors
September 15, 2014 at 10:40 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 12 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, hope, miscarriage, new not so normal, Sad, thoughts
Our old neighbors stopped by the other day. They moved over a year ago and we have not seem them. We really like them and the twins played all the time with their oldest daughter. We were sad when they moved and we have missed them. So I was not prepared for my crazy mix of emotions when they drove up. Although now that I think about it, I should have been.
We were pregnant at the same time. Their 4-year-old boy happily raced up our driveway. My thoughts not so unexpectedly went to our never will be 4-year-old boy, Sawyer. And then out of the car toddled their youngest daughter. I remember her mom telling me that she was pregnant. I was so very happy for them and extra excited because I was hoping to tell them in a few weeks that we were expecting too. I never told them because I miscarried.
We caught up and watched the twins and their 3 children run around. They asked about our other neighbors. I told them about the new neighbor baby born in August and the other one born in July. I am so very happy for those neighbors too but I could feel the pit in my stomach and the familiar lump start to grow in my throat. We chatted until it was time to get their kids back in the car.
I kept it together until they drove away. I could not hold back the tears any longer. I miss Sawyer. I miss the baby I miscarried. I am happy for our neighbors but sad for us. I do not actually want their babies but seeing them makes me miss our lost children. Those feelings are so hard for me. Why can’t I just be happy for other people and not sad for who is missing from our lives?
Luckily, the twins were waiting for me to make their dinner and for that I am eternally grateful.
The Bad News and The Good News
September 8, 2014 at 10:45 pm | Posted in Grief | 7 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, gratitude, Jake, Method Baby Products, new not so normal, post traumatic stress disorder, Sawyer
The BAD news – – Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates/headstones are officially rusting (not sure if rusting is the right word but see the picture below). We spoke to the cemetery people and apparently the manufacturers did not put the correct finish on (or, they completely forgot the finish). So, this is what it looks like at the moment:
Do you see the border rusting (or peeling away)? The letters are starting to go too. It makes me crazy. We spoke to the nice people at the cemetery today. They are going to fix it. The nameplates/headstones and the granite will all be replaced AGAIN.
The GOOD news – – As part of their Fall collection, Method brought back Rice Milk & Mallow (the scent that reminds us of Sawyer). And instead of just letting us find it in the store, they sent us all of this!
METHOD IS THE BEST!!
The Happy and The Sad
August 26, 2014 at 8:14 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love | 10 CommentsTags: baby loss, bittersweet, child loss, dark days, death of a baby, hope, Jake, Jewish customs, new not so normal, Sad
The happy and the sad are so closely entwined during the month of August that I have whiplash. Jake’s birthday, my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary!!, more yahrzeits, more birthdays and tomorrow will be Jake’s death day. I know there are only so many days in a year so birthdays and anniversaries have to overlap at times but August for me has overwhelming extremes.
At 6:14 am tomorrow, it will be 9 years since we last held Jake. The day after will be the anniversary of his funeral. And all the days after that will continue to be bittersweet but maybe one day we will hold sweet Jake again.
Family Picture – August 27, 2005
Dear Jake
August 14, 2014 at 9:14 pm | Posted in Grief | 10 CommentsTags: baby loss, birthday, child loss, dark days, death of a baby, Jake, life after loss, new not so normal
Dear Jake,
today you would have been 9. do you know how much we miss you? i do not have the right words at the moment to tell you. in fact my words and thoughts have been stuck for awhile. i guess you know this already.
i just want to tell you happy birthday baby boy. love and miss you so very much. xoxo
Comment for a Cause
August 10, 2014 at 11:58 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life lessons, Love | 1 CommentTags: birthday, Blogust 14, child loss, Heather Spohr, hope, Jake, new not so normal, Shot@Life
Jake’s 9th birthday would/should have been later this week. I am not sure that we will ever know why Jake left us so soon but I do know that Evan and I would have done anything we could have to prevent it from happening.
Unlike Jake, every twenty seconds, a child dies from a vaccine-preventable disease. Every twenty seconds, more parents are living in a world without their child/children. I do not want any parent to lose a child to a preventable disease because they did not have access to a medication.
Heather Spohr has partnered with Shot@Life, a campaign of the United Nations Foundation, to help provide life-saving vaccines where they are most needed. For every comment on Heather Spohr’s Post “A Chance For Health” or social share post received during the month of August, Walgreens will donate a vaccine to a child in need around the world.
Every child deserves the opportunity to have happy and healthy firsts. For Jake’s 9th birthday please consider clicking on this link and commenting on Heather’s post . Every comment gives another vaccine to a child who needs and wants one.
Ansley’s Angel Day
July 16, 2014 at 12:14 am | Posted in Grief | 3 CommentsTags: child loss, death, grief, Sad
Glennon Melton, public speaker, author and writer of the blog Momastery, wrote the other day about a mother named Jessica and her daughter Ansley. Ansley died on July 14, 2007. No one talks to Jessica about Ansley. Jessica feels like her daughter has been forgotten and that the “world is pretending she never existed.” Glennon writes about it much more eloquently than I can in her post “This is how you stop the world.”
I wish that Jessica did not have to live in a world without her daughter. I am so very sad that Ansley died. She will not be forgotten.
The mention of my child’s name may bring tears to my eyes,
But it never fails to bring music to my ears.
If you are really my friend, let me hear the beautiful music of his name.
It soothes my broken heart and sings to my soul.
– – – Author Unknown
i cannot believe i am writing about this again. . .
June 30, 2014 at 10:50 pm | Posted in after death?, Cemetery, Grief, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer | 6 CommentsTags: cemetery, child loss, death of a baby, headstone, life after loss, new not so normal, parenthood, perspective
Back in November the very kind cemetery people replaced Jake and Sawyer’s headstones. Jake’s headstone has now been replaced 4 times and Sawyer’s has been replaced 3 times. All seemed fine with the new ones. . .until a few weeks ago.
It has been raining a lot here in Atlanta so I thought maybe there were just water stains on the nameplates. I finally asked Evan what he thought about the stains. He said he would call the cemetery people. They went to check and the coating/finish is peeling off the nameplates. I am not sure how to feel about this – it sort of seems like a cruel joke. Should I cry? Should I laugh? Could the nameplates really need to be replaced again? Or, maybe Jake and Sawyer are just playing tricks or trying to give us something to worry about.
The very kind people at the cemetery are looking into it and will let us know. I will keep reminding myself that nothing is hurting Jake or Sawyer. There is no urgency to get this fixed. It might not be according to my plan but the world will keep spinning.
“I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” Ron White
how do you live in a world without your child/children?
June 28, 2014 at 8:28 pm | Posted in Death, Grief, life after loss, Love | 5 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, gratitude, grief, Jake, new not so normal, parenthood, Sawyer, thoughts
I honestly do not know. I feel like after Jake and then Sawyer died I should have some words of wisdom. . .but I don’t.
I find myself looking at other parents. Wondering what it would be like to watch all of your children grow up. I know that everyone has their own tragedies – they are different but difficult all the same. I know that I am lucky to have the privilege of being a parent to each of my children and to have held them (even if for only a short time).
Time does not make it better – just different.
I do not believe that Jake and Sawyer are in “a better place.” I do not know where they are but I wish it were with us.
I know that there is not a path to “get over” the death of your child/children. It is not the same for everyone. Some of us do not talk about our children at all. Some of us advocate for a cure for their cause of death. Some of us write about them. All of us want our children to be remembered.
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A Mourning Mom 