Control & Clean Clothes
September 26, 2013 at 9:53 am | Posted in life lessons, Love, normal?, venting | 6 CommentsTags: child loss, dark days, Jake, life after loss, new not so normal, perspective, Sawyer, thoughts
I wish life could be a bit more like laundry. You put the dirty clothes in the washing machine, add detergent and wait. After the clothes are clean put them into the dryer. Wait. Fold.
Okay, it is not always so seamless. I have turned a few white loads pink. I will also confess that I have washed more than one diaper. It is pretty messy. However, after shaking out the clothes and repeating the wash and dry cycles everything was once again clean.
Before 2005 there were plenty of situations out of my control but Jake’s diagnosis put them all into perspective for me. I did what I thought were the right steps. I gave birth to Jake at 26 weeks anyway. He lived for 2 weeks but I could not do a thing to prevent his death.
At the time I thought that I could protect any potential future children if they were not premature. I could be in control if I could just keep them out of the NICU. Sawyer’s death let me know loud and clear that I was wrong about that too.
Lately, life seems more out of control than I would like. I just need to realize that is all part of life and hold on.
I think I will go switch the laundry into the dryer.
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A Mourning Mom 
I completely understand the need for control. I have that too, and it’s so hard to just let it go. I read something recently about how helpful it is supposed to be to just acknowledge that you feel really vulnerable. Then lean into the joy instead of worrying about what may be. So hard to do, so hard. Maybe I should go do my laundry now too. Miss you Lanie!
Comment by Amy Johnson— September 26, 2013 #
Beautiful sentiment — sometimes we all need to do a task that has such a clear beginning and end and is all within our control (pink underwear aside…!)
Comment by Daphne— September 26, 2013 #
I have washed so many diapers and pull ups!! It’s very hard to accept that life is out of our control.
Comment by Kelcey— September 26, 2013 #
I have more pink underwear days than I care to admit. I think we need to declare every day a “pink underwear” day – then maybe life won’t seem so difficult and it will feel like we’re all in this together.
Comment by Cate— September 26, 2013 #
I wish it were more predictable and the mishaps were smaller and no big deal… I mean who cares if they have pink socks? Interesting thoughts…
Comment by climbingupthepolkadottree— September 26, 2013 #
If my husband was responding here, he might just say, some days you just need to skip the laundry, and go spend time with your family and friends. And perhaps he’d be right…
Comment by eden— September 26, 2013 #