Odd but Ok
July 20, 2012 at 2:34 pm | Posted in Cemetery, Grief, life after loss, normal? | 6 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, Jake, new not so normal, parenthood, quotes, Sawyer, unexplainable
Ever since Sawyer’s unveiling I have been watching the earth move farther and farther away from Jake and Sawyer’s headstone. Ground settles. No big deal. I kept checking. I thought about bringing some dirt and trying to fill it in. Stones started to fall into the crack. The split grew larger and larger. I decided to ask about it. I went to the office at the cemetery. The groundskeeper explained to me that a combination of ground settling and rain can cause headstones to sink. Not what I wanted to hear. He asked if I could show him the headstone and then he could determine the best course of action. Great. Action is good. In fact, fix it right now, please.
We drove out to Jake and Sawyer. I showed him the crack. He told me that they would lift up the marble and pack it down with more dirt. Ok. I asked, “Can we do that right now? ” He replied that he would put in a work order but it would not get done for a week or 2. I thought about it. Ok. Jake and Sawyer are not going anywhere. There is no urgency. The more I thought about it the more I realized that I was actually taking care of something for them. I will never give them a bath, brush their hair or help them get dressed. Oddly, I felt good about placing the work order to fix the crack between the earth and the headstone.
I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme,
and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change,
taking the moment and making the best of it. . .” – Gilda Radner
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A Mourning Mom 
Lanie, this is a great posting. Your sense of having been able to do that something for Jake and Sawyer must be precious to you. I hope, you will soon see a corrected gravesite for both of them. As you quote Gilda Radner, there is no perfection and sometimes we learn to accept that – even if only for a while.
Love to the four of you.
Cornelia
Comment by Cornelia R. Levine— July 22, 2012 #
Sorry I’d missed this previously! What a satisfying feeling–and good for you for taking the action that you wanted to take!
Comment by Eden— July 31, 2012 #
Loved the post- I can relate!
Comment by jenrad-HelpingHimGrieve— July 31, 2012 #
Thank you – I wish neither of us could relate . . .xo
Comment by amourningmom— August 9, 2012 #
Thanks for the touching post I worked with arnet’s monuments and they did a great job in helping me get the perfect memorial for my son
Comment by Charles Border— August 14, 2012 #
[…] there is now a small ditch around their headstones? Are Jake and Sawyer just giving me a way to take care of them? Or, are they playing a […]
Pingback by Odd but still ok? | A Mourning Mom— April 28, 2017 #