Cosmic Connections & Kindness

August 9, 2011 at 9:54 pm | Posted in Grief, mourning, silver lining, traditions | 7 Comments
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Jake and Sawyer are buried in a cemetery not far from our house.  They are in the Jewish section of the cemetery called Menorah (it is named for the gigantic Menorah in the middle of it).  Evan and I were shown the children’s section when Jake first died.  It did not feel like the right place for Jake – or us.

Menorah is a section for people of all ages but Jake and Sawyer happen to be surrounded by other babies.  The grave above is a little girl who died in August of 2005 (just like Jake).  There are other children to the left and right of Jake and Sawyer’s grave.  I rationalize that hopefully they are all having a cosmic play date.

This section of the cemetery also includes the grave of the mother of my college boyfriend.  In addition, the grave of the mother of our fantastic doula (she helped Evan and I with the twins).  I am not sure if they are part of the cosmic play date but I like knowing they are there.  In another section not too far away from Menorah is the mother of a very close friend. Her proximity to our sons’ grave also brings me comfort.

Sawyer still does not have a headstone so I had arranged the stones over the grave.  Leaving rocks is a Jewish custom to show that someone visited the gravesite.  Stones “are permanent and do not get blown away in the wind.”

The stones prevent the cemetery caretakers from cutting the grass.  Usually, I clip the grass but we had been away.  The grass had become extremely over grown.  I put all of Sawyer’s stones into a bag in hopes that the caretakers would be cutting the grass soon.

The next day I checked our home voicemail and there was a message from the grandfather of one of the little boys buried near Jake and Sawyer.  He wanted to let me know that the stones I had carefully arranged around Sawyer’s part of the grave were gone.  He did not want me to be surprised.

Even cosmic communities have good neighbors.

Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
– Mark Twain


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  1. Lanie,
    My husband was a geologist – I know about rocks and stones. They are permanent and the rocks he collected will always be my marker of his life.
    I like that there are so many good people surrounding your boys. I also like that they have good neighbors. It only seems appropriate.
    ps. In two days I will mark the one year passing of my beloved. It is hard to believe I have survived this long without him. Maybe I am more a rock than I believed.

  2. I like that there are so many people looking after your boys.

  3. What a sweet story.

  4. Lanie, you are so dear and so special. This was such a warm story. Needless to say, it brougt tears to my eyes. Actually, smile tears. My Mom is certainly part of the Cosmic Play going on, but most of all she is looking after and taking care of the boys and the other children in the area. She had very strict instructions from me.
    I visit often and would still like to plan a time a meet you there.

  5. This is a beautiful story. I love stories about people being kind. Since you are one of the most kind and thoughtful people that I know, I am grateful that someone kind is looking out for you.

  6. Lanie,
    so beautifully said!

  7. […] found out that my friend at the cemetery might have made the call to get Jake and Sawyer’s markers fixed.   I saw him […]

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