gone but never forgotten

November 17, 2017 at 8:18 am | Posted in Grief, Love | 10 Comments
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Sweet Sawyer

I miss you every single day but today I miss you extra.  Today eight years ago you were born.  It is (or should be) your 8th birthday.  How do I get through your 8th birthday without you?  I am not so sure.  I know I did it last year and the year before, so somehow I will get through today as well.

I am wearing purple for World Prematurity Day.  You were full term but all of your siblings were premature so I think you would be okay sharing your special day with them.  You were born on your scheduled C-section date and we could not wait to meet all 8 lbs of sweet wonderful you!

Wherever you are, I hope you know how much you are loved and missed.   As always, I will look for you in my dreams.


“Don’t cry because it is over. Smile because it happened.” Dr. Seuss

November 17, 2016 at 1:52 pm | Posted in life after loss, Love | 7 Comments
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Today is World Prematurity Day so I am wearing purple in memory and in honor of your oldest brother Jake and all the other babies born into this world too soon.  Today is Georgia Gives Back day so I just drove food to a shelter and will be making donations in honor of you and your siblings.

Today is also the day that we welcomed you to the world! Today I want to celebrate wonderful little you.  Today I am going to read all the congratulations emails we received after you were born because last night I discovered your Dad kept them all (and I have never seen them).  Today I will give presents to your brother and sister for your birthday because there do not seem to be any rules on how to celebrate your 7th birthday without you – so,  I am trying to make up my own.  Today I will try to smile, not to cry (but please forgive me if I do).

Today you gave me the gift of being your mama and for that I am forever grateful to you my sweet Sawyer.

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November 16, 2013 at 10:40 pm | Posted in Grief, Sawyer | 8 Comments
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The March of Dimes along with other parent groups and organizations in countries around the world dedicate tomorrow to raise awareness about premature birth and how it can be prevented.  It is World Prematurity day.  Hopefully, awareness and support will lead to more healthy babies.  No family should have to live in a world without their child/children.

Tomorrow is also the would be/should be/never will be 4th birthday of our sweet Sawyer.  While he was not premature, there are still no words to describe how much my arms ache to hold this little boy. . .

sweet Sawyer

November 17

November 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss, Love, normal? | 14 Comments
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It is me again.  I keep losing track of days.  Your 3rd birthday would/should be in 3 days.  November 17th is not only your birthday but it is World Prematurity Day.  You were not premature but your big brother Jake was 14 weeks early.  In fact, you were 8 lbs and 1 oz and perfect.  I know that  if you were here you would be okay sharing your birthday with Jake’s cause.

This year is also the first Global Week of Action for child survival.  The 13th-20th of November this campaign will try to “bring people together across the globe to raise their voices against the unacceptable number of children dying before their fifth birthday from preventable causes”.   I do not know if your cause of death was preventable.  I am still hoping to know for sure one day.  I hope that where ever you are you know your dad and I would have done anything to protect you.  I still cannot believe that I could not save you.

I do not know if I cry because I am weak or strong.  I do not care either way.  I just cry and miss you.  Love you always and forever.

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