November 17

November 14, 2012 at 10:38 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss, Love, normal? | 14 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , ,

It is me again.  I keep losing track of days.  Your 3rd birthday would/should be in 3 days.  November 17th is not only your birthday but it is World Prematurity Day.  You were not premature but your big brother Jake was 14 weeks early.  In fact, you were 8 lbs and 1 oz and perfect.  I know that  if you were here you would be okay sharing your birthday with Jake’s cause.

This year is also the first Global Week of Action for child survival.  The 13th-20th of November this campaign will try to “bring people together across the globe to raise their voices against the unacceptable number of children dying before their fifth birthday from preventable causes”.   I do not know if your cause of death was preventable.  I am still hoping to know for sure one day.  I hope that where ever you are you know your dad and I would have done anything to protect you.  I still cannot believe that I could not save you.

I do not know if I cry because I am weak or strong.  I do not care either way.  I just cry and miss you.  Love you always and forever.


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  1. What a beautiful picture. Thinking of you during this anniversary time my friend, and thinking of all your beautiful children. Sending lots of love. Amy

  2. Oh so beautiful!

  3. You don’t have to be strong–just BE. And remember that everyone around you loves you and your family.

    this is Jake’s post on my blog. Please visit it and share it

  5. Thinking of you and praying for you this week and always. You do not cry alone. You are one amazing woman. I am so grateful for you.

  6. a beautiful child – I am so sorry for your loss. You are incredibly strong and brave – I wish you peace and think of you often.

    This is Sawyer’s post on my blog. Please visit it and share it.

  8. Lanie, I absolutely love what he’s wearing in this picture. I love sock monkeys.

    And referring to the quote picture at the top. I think that you’re really, really strong. You laugh and play and have fun with the twins. You tell everyone about Jake and Sawyer. You make sure that the twins know about them, and how their brother’s are still with them and watching them.

    When I think of Jake, I think of a mischievous boy, with big, sparkling eyes and a big smile. I think that he knows how to use his little face just right to get out of trouble. When I think of Sawyer, I think of a happy, laghing little boy, who’s always smiling and loving. I think that he would be Jake’s partner in crime, and would laugh when/if they were caught.

  9. He is gorgeous, and you are a beautiful woman.

  10. […] is a separate Planet for when a second child dies.  If so, I have been on that Planet for almost 3 years.  Either way, here I am trying to […]

  11. […] Sending you all hugs and hope.  I truly appreciate you reading and remembering Jake and Sawyer. […]

  12. […] I have had to accept are out of my control.  At the top of the list are the facts that Jake and Sawyer are […]

  13. […] me for a moment” and  I left the conversation all together.  I always remember Jake and Sawyer but I do not always talk about them.   But maybe it does not have to be so […]

  14. […] and Sawyer‘s deaths were due to circumstances beyond our control. I cannot describe in words how […]

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