What I Need

I am not always able to adequately articulate my feelings.  Jake and Sawyer’s deaths have often left me feeling alone and misunderstood.  Sometimes I read something and it is exactly how I think and feel.  Reading Four Plus An Angel  by Jessica, often leaves me with that reaction.  Jessica, writes beautifully about her life without her daughter Hadley.

What I Need by Jessica

I need to say her name without bringing everyone to tears.

I need her life to be included in the count of children, grandchildren, nieces and nephews.

I need kindness on birthdays and understanding on holidays.

I need to stay in bed and a reason to get out of it.

I need to talk endlessly and to let the phone ring.

I need an extra hug and respect for my space.

I need someone to ask how I’m doing and want to know the real answer.

I need careful announcements of pregnancies, baby showers and births, mine did not turn out as I hoped.

I need a “handle with care” sticker for my heart, my emotions have been fragile since the day I said goodbye.

I need patience and reminders for my mind, part of it will always be somewhere else.

I need forgiveness for not being the friend, sister, daughter and wife I used to be.

But more than anything I need you…

your support, your friendship, your understanding…

a lifetime is an impossibly long time to wait to hold my child again.

Two other impressive things going on at Four Plus An Angel:

1. Jessica is also an advocate for autism.  She has a very cool project going on during April, Autism Awareness month.  Jessica is asking for a picture of you or someone you know or love who has autism, holding up a message they would like the world to know about autism. For more details on the project and where to send pictures click here.
2. Jessica, like our family, supports the March of Dimes.   She is very close to her goal and I am hoping that she makes it.  Click on the button below to donate to Jessica’s team.