Mr. and Mrs. Lincoln I am so very sorry for your loss

February 12, 2016 at 4:49 pm | Posted in Grief | 8 Comments

quote - lincoln


Throughout history children have predeceased their parents. Abraham and Mary Todd Lincoln had 4 sons.  Only 1 lived to adulthood.  No wonder Lincoln was always characterized as being depressed.  After the death of their 3rd son, Willie, Mary Todd Lincoln wrote, “when I can bring myself to realize that he has indeed passed away, my question to myself is, ‘can life be endured?’.”

I have realized (no matter how much i hate it) that Jake and Sawyer have passed away.  I try my best (sometimes better than others) to “endure” life.  I am not always so great at getting check ups for myself.  As part of the home study for the adoption i did have a physical.   However, I have only been to the gynecologist a few times since Sawyer’s birth and death.  I am not sure if it is going back to the doctor’s office where during my pregnancy with Sawyer everything was perfect or sitting in a waiting room filled with happy pregnant people (knowing that I am living every parents worst nightmare).  I thought about switching (I did after Jake died) but I have remained at the same practice.

Last week I called to schedule a regular check up appointment.  I thought there would not be one available for a few weeks maybe even months. The scheduler asked my name and information and quickly said “you have not been here in a while, we are going to fit you in on Monday.”

I thought about cancelling rescheduling the appointment but decided that I should go on Monday and get it over with.  I arrived at the doctor’s office and considered myself very lucky because there were no pregnant people in the waiting room.   The school nurse called while i was changing for the exam to tell me that one of the twins was sick and needed to be picked up.  I asked her if he could wait a little while.  I told the doctor about my sick child.   He said this will not take long.   I did not cry once during the quick exam.   I left and drove to the school to pick up my sick child.


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  1. want you to know that i am on the other end of this post listening. love you

  2. Dear Lanie – It’s too bad that one of your kids had to get sick but she/he demonstrated conclusively that life goes on. May it go one for you and your family with many pleasures and much joy for years to come.
    Love, Cornelia
    p.s. I hope, Alyssa or Fletcher has fully recovered and that no one else got sick.

  3. Good and unusual piece. I appreciate the different but entirely persuasive perspective on the Lincolns.

    Glad you went to the doctor.

    Love always.


  4. Thanks for this perspective, Lanie. learned something new and sad, but interesting. And how good that you found the strength to get yourself checked out–as of course, the twins and Evan need you to stay in good health for their sake and yours! Hopefully everyone is feeling better now…

  5. You walk through a life very few can even begin to understand. It seems horrible enough to lose one child, let alone two or three. Continue to look for the ways you can uniquely help others because of your journey. Your boys are always with you and doing these things will honor them daily. Love you. xo

  6. Ditto to what Eden says – she is always so eloquent. That must have been easier that there were no pregnant people – maybe the doctors planned it that way. And I guess the good news was that the school didn’t call when you were on the table. = )

  7. I never knew that about Lincoln – just goes to show that you really never do know what other people are enduring. Glad you went to the doctor and are taking care of yourself, you have to do it!

  8. This was such a great piece. What a touching perspective. I will be sharing this with some of my clients.

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