the sun and the earth
June 12, 2015 at 7:28 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 4 CommentsTags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, first grade, gratitude, hope, kindergarten, motherhood, new not so normal, second grade, summer, thoughts, Trees, ways to honor the memory of your child
The twins finished school on May 22nd. Their elementary school is divided into 2 campuses (k-2 is in the primary campus and 3-5 is in the intermediate campus about a mile away).
The pictures below are from their 2nd graduation parade. They both picked out the same concert t-shirt to wear.
Evan said that I should not be sad about the twins going to 3rd grade and at the same time be sad that Sawyer is not starting kindergarten. The twins growing up and finishing 2nd grade is the way life should be unlike Sawyer (and Jake) who are forever frozen in time.
I did cry in the corner a little bit during the parade but for the most part I have not been as emotional as I was at the end of 1st grade and kindergarten. I am not sure that if it was Evan’s words of wisdom or the fact that one of the twins had a temperature of 103.8 on the last day of school but we have left the primary campus without too many tears.
So far this summer because of life and work the twins have been spending time with a babysitter. When I got home from work yesterday they were both so excited to tell me that they went to the park and checked on Jake and Sawyer’s trees. I have not visited the trees to check on them in such a long time. It made me so happy that the twins thought to do it.
The End of the School Year & Everything in Between
May 20, 2014 at 10:00 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life lessons, normal?, Sawyer, twins | 4 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, end of school year, first grade, gratitude, grief, life after loss, new not so normal, parenthood, twins
This Friday is the last day of school for the twins! It does not seem that long ago that they started 1st grade. I try to enjoy the moments with the twins. Moments I know that I will never have with Jake or Sawyer. The Mother’s Day teas, the musical performances, the recitals, field days and the end of school year parties. However, I find myself in a panic this time of year. There is so much happening – all at the exact same time.
“Did I forget to dress them in the right color for their musical?”
“Did we remember to bring in the teacher appreciation card?”
“Did we make the teacher appreciation card?”
“How did we forget her glasses again this morning?”
I feel guilty about not enjoying ever single moment (all the ones that I will miss with Jake and Sawyer). I want the twins to be healthy, happy and grow up.
This week I looked around at some of the other parents – I saw the dazed looks on their faces. They are all in this end of the school year craziness too. I am not sure they are enjoying all of this end of the school year madness either. I want to appreciate all the moments I have with the twins. I think I will have to expand my definition of appreciation to include the happy, the sad, the chaotic and everything in between.
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A Mourning Mom 