should you switch ob/gyns after your baby dies?

October 20, 2014 at 10:18 pm | Posted in Jake, life, Sawyer | 2 Comments
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After Jake died we did switch ob/gyns but not initially.  Evan and I decided that so few people knew Jake and our ob/gyn at the time was one of those few.  It also seemed daunting to start all over with a new doctor.  We saw her throughout the pregnancy with the twins however, we switched right after.  I will explain that story in another post.

I still go to the ob/gyn group that we saw during my pregnancy with Sawyer.  I love the doctor who delivered Sawyer but I decided to switch doctors within the group for my annual check ups.  Just like after Jake died it seemed like starting over with a new doctor was too daunting.  By staying in the practice I have not had to start over from the beginning with all the forms.

I (most likely along with a majority of the female population) do not love going for my annual check ups.  I wonder if the waiting room is so upsetting for everyone.  How does it feel to look at all the happy baby pictures on the walls when you have not buried 2 babies?  I do not think that there ob/gyns who specialize in bereaved mothers but maybe they are out there.   Would you switch ob/gyns if your baby died?

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

October 14, 2014 at 10:14 pm | Posted in Grief | 1 Comment
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“When you come to the edge of all the light you know and are about to step off into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things will happen: There will be something solid to stand on or you will be taught to fly.”   – Author Unknown (borrowed from the Atlanta Walk to Remember 2010 program)

Tomorrow is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  As part of the day, everyone is invited to light a candle at 7 pm in all time zones, all over the world.  The idea is that if everyone lights a candle at 7 pm and keeps it burning for at least 1 hour, there will be a continuous wave of light.

The candles that we will light were given out at the Atlanta Walk to Remember 2014.   We will be lighting our candles at 7 pm hope you can join us.

October – Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month

October 12, 2014 at 9:08 pm | Posted in Grief, traditions | 4 Comments
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October, in addition to being Breast Cancer Awareness month, is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month.  In 1988, President Ronald Reagan issued a Presidential Proclamation making it a national event.  This year the Governor of Georgia also wrote an official proclamation making October Pregnancy and Infant Loss Month.

Across the world there are many walks to remember.   Families and friends walk to remember their little loved ones.  The walk also symbolically joins people who are working towards raising awareness of perinatal loss and care.

The year before Jake died, 10 years ago, three bereaved mothers in Atlanta started the Atlanta Walk to Remember.  Last weekend we walked for the 9th time.  Originally, Evan and I walked to remember Jake.  In 2007, we were lucky enough to walk while pushing the twins in their stroller.  Starting in 2010, the 4 of us have walked together every year to remember Jake and Sawyer.   The walk this year had the  biggest turn out yet.  It was in a new location and it was a very special day.

This was also the first year that one of the twins had an activity conflicting with the walk.  One of the twins had a flag football game.  Evan and I decided to talk to him about it and give him a choice.  I was a bit surprised, but maybe I should not have been –  he decided to go to the walk.  He said “I can play in the game next week.”

Each week in his 2nd grade class they write the “Weekend News.”  Here is his from last week:

weekend news

In case you cannot read this, it says “My dad’s a[u]nt came over.  I went to the walk to rem[em]ber. With my spicey monky.  I went [to] the walk to rem[em]ber bec[a]use two of my brothers died.  I had a good walk.”  And so did we.

 

September

October 6, 2014 at 10:58 pm | Posted in after death?, silver lining | 7 Comments
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September is childhood cancer awareness month.  I know that it is now October but I had ordered these Spicy Monkey Spirithoods last month.  These amazing hats were inspired by Maya Thompson’s son Ronan.  He wore a spirithood after he had lost his hair during chemotherapy.  At the age of 3 Ronan lost his battle to cancer.  Before he died, Maya promised him she would keep on fighting.  And, she has been waging war on childhood cancer ever since.

The company Spirithoods is donating 100% of profit from the SpicyMonkey to the The Ronan Thompson foundation to help in their fight against childhood cancer.  The spirithoods  have places to keep hands warm (so it is a hat and mittens!). There are also super secret pockets to hide things in.

I was not the only one in our house who was so excited when the box of Spirithoods finally arrived. . .

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neighbors

September 15, 2014 at 10:40 pm | Posted in Grief, life | 12 Comments
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Our old neighbors stopped by the other day.  They moved over a year ago and we have not seem them.  We really like them and the twins played all the time with their oldest daughter.  We were sad when they moved and we have missed them.  So I was not prepared for my crazy mix of emotions when they drove up.  Although now that I think about it, I should have been.

We were pregnant at the same time.  Their 4-year-old boy happily raced up our driveway.  My thoughts not so unexpectedly went to our never will be 4-year-old boy, Sawyer.  And then out of the car toddled their youngest daughter.  I remember her mom telling me that she was pregnant. I was so very happy for them and extra excited because I was hoping to tell them in a few weeks that we were expecting too.  I never told them because I miscarried.

We caught up and watched the twins and their 3 children run around.  They asked about our other neighbors.  I told them about the new neighbor baby born in August and the other one born in  July.  I am so very happy for those neighbors too but I could feel the pit in my stomach and the familiar lump start to grow in my throat.  We chatted until it was time to get their kids back in the car.

I kept it together until they drove away.  I could not hold back the tears any longer.  I miss Sawyer.  I miss the baby I miscarried.   I am happy for our neighbors but sad for us.  I do not actually want their babies but seeing them makes me miss our lost children.  Those feelings are so hard for me.  Why can’t I just be happy for other people and not sad for who is missing from our lives?

Luckily, the twins were waiting for me to make their dinner and for that I am eternally grateful.

 

 

 

The Bad News and The Good News

September 8, 2014 at 10:45 pm | Posted in Grief | 7 Comments
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The BAD news –  – Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates/headstones are officially rusting (not sure if rusting is the right word but see the picture below).  We spoke to the cemetery people and apparently the manufacturers did not put the correct finish on (or, they completely forgot the finish).  So, this is what it looks like at the moment:

rusting

Do you see the border rusting (or peeling away)?  The letters are starting to go too.  It makes me crazy.  We spoke to the nice people at the cemetery today.  They are going to fix it. The nameplates/headstones and the granite will all be replaced AGAIN.

The GOOD news – –  As part of their Fall collection, Method brought back Rice Milk & Mallow (the scent that reminds us of Sawyer).  And instead of just letting us find it in the store, they sent us all of this!

METHOD IS THE BEST!!

METHOD IS THE BEST!!

The Happy and The Sad

August 26, 2014 at 8:14 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life, Love | 10 Comments
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The happy and the sad are so closely entwined during the month of August that I have whiplash.  Jake’s birthday, my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary!!, more yahrzeits, more birthdays and tomorrow will be Jake’s death day.  I know there are only so many days in a year so birthdays and anniversaries have to overlap at times but August for me has overwhelming extremes.

At 6:14 am tomorrow, it will be 9 years since we last held Jake.  The day after will be the anniversary of his funeral.  And all the days after that will continue to be bittersweet but maybe one day we will hold sweet Jake again.

Family Picture - August 27, 2005

Family Picture – August 27, 2005

 

Dear Jake

August 14, 2014 at 9:14 pm | Posted in Grief | 10 Comments
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Dear Jake,

today you would have been 9.  do you know how much we miss you?  i do not have the right words at the moment to tell you.  in fact my words and thoughts have been stuck for awhile. i guess you know this already.

i just want to tell you happy birthday baby boy.  love and miss you so very much. xoxo

Comment for a Cause

August 10, 2014 at 11:58 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life lessons, Love | 1 Comment
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Jake’s 9th birthday would/should have been later this week.  I am not sure that we will ever know why Jake left us so soon but I do know that Evan and I would have done anything we could have to prevent it from happening.

Unlike Jake, every twenty seconds, a child dies from a vaccine-preventable disease. Every twenty seconds, more parents are living in a world without their child/children. I do not want any parent to lose a child to a preventable disease because they did not have access to a medication.

Heather Spohr has partnered with Shot@Life, a campaign of the United Nations Foundation, to help provide life-saving vaccines where they are most needed. For every comment on Heather Spohr’s Post “A Chance For Health” or social share post received during the month of August, Walgreens will donate a vaccine to a child in need around the world. 

Every child deserves the opportunity to have happy and healthy firsts.  For Jake’s 9th birthday please consider clicking on this link and commenting on Heather’s post .  Every comment gives another vaccine to a child who needs and wants one.

 

So, this happened in the last week. . .

August 4, 2014 at 10:40 pm | Posted in life, Love | 6 Comments
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these 2 turned 7 and they started 2nd grade!

twins are 7!!

I am beyond grateful that I am their mama.

 

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