Rancic, Relationships and Reality

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Rancic, Relationships and Reality

March 2, 2013 at 11:28 pm | Posted in Grief, life lessons | 7 Comments
Tags: child loss, death of a baby, Giuliana Rancic, Jake, marriage, parenthood, Sawyer, thoughts

In a recent interview Giuliana Rancic told US Weekly “We’re husband and wife, but we’re also best friends, and it’s funny because a lot of people, when they have kids, they put the baby first, and the marriage second.” Giuliana and her husband Bill went through infertility treatments for years. She battled breast cancer. In 2012 they had their son, Edward, with the help of a surrogate.

The Rancics have had a tough road to parenthood. I do not judge other parents and their decisions. I believe the balance of marriage and parenthood is difficult. I understand both sides of the debate which Giuliana’s comments created but I have a confession.

The night that Jake died and the night that Sawyer died I bargained with G-d. I pleaded that it should be me and not them. I offered to trade my life for theirs. I also offered Evan’s life. I would have switched places with my children without hesitation or any consideration of our marriage. I think that Evan would have as well.

The pleading and bargaining did not work. Evan and I are still here. Sawyer and Jake are not.

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Dear Lanie – I understand the frustration and utter desolation you must have felt when your children died – two of them. But I can’t help feeling reassured that your bargain with G-d did not work. You need to be there for Alyssa and Fetcher. How would you have justified their being mother- and/or fatherless? Why would they deserve such a fate? That’s the tough part of life and you were sorely tried. I wish, you didn’t have to suffer the loss of Jake and Sawyer but I don’t believe, you would want to burden your other two children with being orphaned. They’re here and they’re your responsibility which you cannot and should not get out of. I wish you strength and solace and enjoyment of the twins! With love, Cornelia

Comment by Cornelia Levine— March 3, 2013 #

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- Thank you for the raw candid sharing of your heart. This is what I miss in the world. Your pain offers others a new perspective about their own path. You offer us the medicine you grew through your grief. Thank you sister. Keep blogging 🙂
  
  Comment by sakachetan— March 3, 2013 #
  
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  - I too second sakachetan’s thank yous for being so candid and sharing with us your very private thoughts. Your blog is the medicine for the challenges in my life and helping me to heal. Thank you for sharing!
    
    Comment by Cate— March 3, 2013 #
You are needed here, hard as it may be; you are needed and loved as a mom, a wife, a friend and here in this space as someone who provides real candor and support for others who so badly need it. I think you’re amazing.

Comment by Daphne— March 4, 2013 #

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Daphne said it perfectly.
xoxo

Comment by Eden— March 4, 2013 #

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I felt the same way as Lanie. I think it is easy for someone (especially on TV) to say they try not to let being a parent completely squeeze out other important things like your spouse. But that is out of context. When faced with a sick or dying child — or in our case two of them — as a parent I would have done anything to make them better or save their lives. That includes wanting to trade places. It is not rational, but it’s not supposed to be. It is instinct, as one of the people who is supposed to be protecting that child from harm, combined with the indescribeable love for my child. That is the way Lanie and I felt about Jake and Sawyer and feel about our twins too. I will do anything to protect them, and in Jake and Sawyer’s cases, would have done anything to have saved their lives. I don’t want to die and I would never want to be without Lanie. We both want to be here for our twins, for each other, for our families and dear friends. But for Sawyer who has stopped breathing or for Jake who can no longer survive even on modern medicines best machines, I would do anything to save them. So would Lanie. In my opinion, so would any parent for their child.

Comment by Evan— March 5, 2013 #

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[…] bedside to switch places with her. I learned that it is not possible no matter how much you bargain to trade your life for your child’s […]

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