my updated new normal

April 2, 2015 at 11:12 pm | Posted in Grief, Love | 5 Comments
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I am still working on my spring resolutions but sometimes while I am busy focusing on the present, the past sneaks in.  I have recently realized that the past is part of my new normal.  People who meet our family now may or might not know that Jake and Sawyer existed.  If they are people who we see regularly or the twins play with I am never quite sure if they know.  The twins could have spoken about their brothers.  Someone else could have told them.  Or maybe they are a neighbor who saw the ambulance and police at our house that awful night that Sawyer died.

I have found myself telling those people – the friends and acquaintances – about our other 2 children.   It feels like the right thing to do.  No more guess work.  No more pretending.   Once I have shared Jake and Sawyer’s story I can be a better mom to all 4 of our children.

quote - Elizabeth Edwards


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  1. I think you are handling it perfectly and do such a good job honoring Jake and Sawyer. xo

  2. You are an amazing mama to your 4 beautiful children, and an inspiration to us all.

  3. I love that quote you shared. It’s so important. People think they’re helping by tiptoeing around, not reminding us… as if we could ever forget. Ignoring the absence of our loved ones says “we don’t want to carry this burden with you.” Acknowledging it, facing the hole head on with us says “we’ll share this weight”. It amazes me when people don’t understand this. They were here, we loved them, they were important. That they’re no longer here does not change our feelings for them.

  4. If I didn’t know about Jake and Sawyer I wouldn’t really know “you”. That is something I would never want to miss out on. Sending love and missing you!

  5. Dear Lanie – Happy Passover to your whole family.
    Your quoting Elisabeth Edwards is great and the fact that you can now tell everyone about Jake and Sawyer shows how strong you have become in dealing with your family history. My wishes go to all of you for much joy in each other.
    Love, Cornelia

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