Odd but NOT Ok

September 12, 2013 at 2:26 pm | Posted in Grief, Jake, life after loss, Love, Sawyer, venting | 12 Comments
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I am drawn quietly to his grave to check on him,

Just as I’d have been drawn quietly to his crib.

I trim the grass around his marker,

And dream of trimming bangs from his forehead.

I place flowers in his vase,

And dream of placing kisses on his cheek.

I hold his memory dear to my heart,

And dream of holding him in my arms.

Author unknown

I no longer have any way to physically take care of Jake or Sawyer.  The best I can do is going to the cemetery and checking on their shared plot.  I know that frequenting a cemetery does not work for some but it is something that I need to do.

Over the last month both Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates have been slightly shifting.  I thought maybe the bolts were loose.  I shift them back and feel better.  Until yesterday.


I could not even shift the plates back.  And, where are the bolts?!  I do not understand.

I called the cemetery office and immediately broke down into tears trying to explain to the receptionist what I was calling about.  Who calls about missing bolts from not just 1 but 2 of their sons’ headstones?!  She finally understood me and agreed to send out a maintenance person.

No one can explain what happened to the bolts that should be securing the nameplates to the granite.   However, they are both repaired for the moment.   We are going to wait and watch to see what happens.  I am so not okay with this.


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  1. Wow, Lanie–this is a mystery! I can certainly see why you’d not be okay with this! And they weren’t able to offer up any sort of explanation at all? (No construction in the area?)

  2. I would not be OK either.

  3. Lanie – that is so weird and awful. I don’t get it. Xo

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. How dreadful. I hope it is a one off whatever happened. Xx

  5. I am so sorry. So wierd too – you guys have had so many issues with those plates.

  6. Terrible and unexplainable. Why?

  7. Dahlin’, you always write so eloquently and right from the heart. I am sorry about the plates moving, and I hear how upset that makes you. I hope you get it figured out. My mom always leaves a lit candle (and sometimes some bourbon 🙂 by where my dad died on the anniversary of his death, and no matter the weather, windy or rainy or calm, the candle stays lit all night. My mom (and I) like to think my dad plays a hand in this. There is so much we do not know or understand.

  8. I’m so sorry about the plates moving and bolts missing. That is disturbing. Of course you’re not ok with it. Wishing you peace.

  9. How strange, so sorry you are dealing with this, it has to be unsettling. Sending you a hug.

  10. […] I explained in this post, the bolts on Jake and Sawyer’s nameplates were replaced.  I still do not understand what […]

  11. […] you to the cemetery people for fixing Jake and Sawyer’s headstone.  I never did make the call to let them know that the headstones were shifting again but when I […]

  12. […] Do you see the border rusting (or peeling away)?  The letters are starting to go too.  It makes me crazy.  We spoke to the nice people at the cemetery today.  They are going to fix it. The nameplates/headstones and the granite will all be replaced AGAIN. […]

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