Doctors & Dreams

December 2, 2012 at 9:48 pm | Posted in after death?, Grief, Love, normal? | 10 Comments
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Dear Sawyer,
Three years ago we had your 2 week check up with the pediatrician.  You did fantastic.  You were gaining weight.  You were eating.  You were sleeping.  All seemed to be going well.  Was there something that we missed?

The doctor told us that you were perfect.  We even scheduled your 2 month check up in January of 2010.  As you know, we did not make it to that appointment.

I try not to imagine what you would be like as a 3-year-old.  I know that I should just mourn the loss of you as a baby.  It only makes it more painful to grieve the losses of all the other stages you sadly never reached.  Good night baby boy.  I love you.  I miss you.  As always, I will look for you in my dreams.



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  1. Lanie, he’s so beautiful. I hope you see him and kiss his cheeks tonight, and he gives you smiles.

    • He is beautiful….I wish you sweet dreams tomight and always.

  2. Thinking of you my friend. Sweet Dreams.

  3. He is just adorable. Grieving comes in all forms and shapes. As you know, it’s a new normal. I’m missing my little Amya, identical twin sister of Ananda Mae, imagining how the two would play and chat together… and I have the visual right in front of me to imagine, every day…
    Sweet dreams, Sawyer ❤

  4. If I am not mistaken, you stopped by the house on your way home from the doctor and I got too see that beautiful boy. He was perfect and I am so sorry that he is not here with you.

  5. Wishing you the sweetest of dreams of your sweet sweet baby boy. What I’m really wishing is that you got more than just the dreams with him though.

  6. What a gorgeous baby, I’m so sorry he’s not here with you any longer.

  7. What a beautiful baby. I know he is looking for you in your dreams too. Thinking of you.

  8. It’s always lovely to see those beautiful pictures of him! Thank you for continuing to share. He is missed by all….

  9. […] there something going on?  Was he sick in some way?  What did I miss?  How could he be seemingly perfect one moment and then dead the […]

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