Human Doings
March 4, 2012 at 3:18 pm | Posted in after death?, Grief, life lessons, venting | 6 CommentsTags: dark days, new not so normal, perspective, post traumatic stress disorder
I have written that I do not necessarily have advice for bereaved parents. I do not have the magic words to take away the pain. However, I do have a strategy which I have used most of my adult life. Being busy. I over schedule. Moments alone terrify me – they are opportunities for dark thoughts to take me over.
I will never forget the dark empty days of January, 2006. Jake had died and I could not fill up the days with anything that would distract me from my grief. Slowly, I rejoined the land of the living. Keeping busy was a huge part of my plan. I worked as much as I could and made sure that I was never home alone.
Right after Jake and then Sawyer died family and friends were around a lot. I am still so appreciative that a couple of my thoughtful friends made an online calendar for me. People would come by or call every day. These days I am usually with the twins or at work so busy is built into my schedule.
“Don’t be afraid of the vacant moment. You are a human being not a ‘human doing’ so just be and consider your boredness. You may be surprised at how it clears the mind (after getting over the initial discomfort) and provides new thoughts.” Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff… and It’s All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson
Today I am not completely terrified of the “vacant moments” but there is still fear. I am still more of a human doing than a human being. I know that there is a balance. I will find it one of these days.
P.S. If you have a free moment will you please vote for brilliantly funny Mamabirddiaries in the Circle of Moms Top 25 Funny Moms contest?
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A Mourning Mom 
I can relate to this. What’s slowed me down a fraction is age…and the realization that my husband needs and enjoys a greater portion of my busy pie…..to relax and share quieter times together. RELAX? Trying to respect priorities, some mine, some his, and some ours is one of life’s ongoing adventures.
Your loving cuz….
Comment by Ellen— March 4, 2012 #
I love you whether you are a human being or human doing. Thanks for the shout out. Xo
Comment by Kelcey— March 4, 2012 #
Easier said than done, but great thought to focus on being, not doing. Now, how do we do that?
Comment by Daphne— March 4, 2012 #
I can relate to this, since Hadley was a triplet I was so busy with her surviving brother and sister that when I did have a spare moment I would crash. I still have a hard time being in the quiet on my own, thank goodness for writing!
Comment by Jessica (@fourplusanangel)— March 4, 2012 #
Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good grip on that balance–regardless of whether you realize it or not…the quote is a good one–makes you really sit back and think.
Comment by Eden— March 5, 2012 #
Staying busy can really help 🙂 Maybe that’s why I started writing so much.
P. S. You’ve been on my heart. I hope things are going well for you. You’re in my prayers.
Comment by Elisa— March 12, 2012 #