Sibling Rivalry?
July 16, 2012 at 5:46 pm | Posted in Grief, life lessons, Love, normal? | 14 CommentsTags: child loss, death of a baby, Jake, parenthood, perspective, Sawyer, twins, unexplainable
On any given day our twins will be arguing over who is “bigger”. She is 3-4 inches taller. He is 1 minute older. I have explained these facts over and over again. So technically they are both right. However, in their 4-year-old (almost 5) minds this is not a satisfactory solution. I am not sure why but I continue to feel the need to unsuccessfully rationalize with them. Sibling rivalry at its finest.
The other day I was driving. The twins were in their seats in the back. It had not been a particularly good day. There had been arguing between the 2 of them. There had been time outs (or as it is known in our house, “the zone”). All seemed to have calmed down as I drove along until the question was asked. I have always known this question would be asked one day but somehow I was not prepared.
“Do you love Jake and Sawyer more?”
Silence.
“Mama, who do you love the most?”
More silence.
I realized that if I did not answer quickly this line of questioning would continue possibly forever. In case you did not know, 4 almost 5-year-olds can be very persistent.
“I love you all the same. I just miss Jake and Sawyer more. I can not hug them the way I hug you both.”
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A Mourning Mom 
My girls fought about who could sit in the front seat. We literally had to devise a system to take turns. Back then we were not smart enough to know the answer should have been neither.
Comment by Patty— July 16, 2012 #
I guess we have the modern day version of that argument. Both of the twins always want to sit behind the driver.
Comment by amourningmom— July 16, 2012 #
Tough charges at times, for sure! Sounds like your answer was just right.
Nice pic of them–SHARING the brolly!
Comment by Eden— July 16, 2012 #
Absolute best answer Lanie. Well done. I miss you lots!
Amy
Comment by Amy Johnson— July 16, 2012 #
Perfect response. Wonderful patriotic outfits!
Comment by Julie— July 16, 2012 #
You are an amazing mom who clearly answered the question perfectly. Hugs to you!
Comment by Kristen— July 16, 2012 #
Lanie, here is a good book to read to the kids. “I love you the purplest “
Comment by Danielle— July 16, 2012 #
Thanks Danielle! I will check it out.
Comment by amourningmom— July 16, 2012 #
Lanie, you seem to grow every day. Your answer was good and honest and I’m sure, your twins found it just right. Love to all four of you. Cornelia
Comment by Cornelia R. Levine— July 16, 2012 #
A perfect response. My girls have to take turns for EVERYTHING.
Comment by kelcey— July 16, 2012 #
You are so good at finding the exactly right answer…can I have you on speed dial? There are definitely questions I get that I’d need to use my “phone a friend” help!
Comment by Daphne— July 17, 2012 #
Ugh. Tears. It is so hard to explain the unexplainable to our kids. Wishing both of us lots of strength in the years of explanations to come.
Comment by Jessica Watson (@JessBWatson)— July 17, 2012 #
perfect, absolutely perfect answer.
Comment by The Good Cook— July 19, 2012 #
[…] rivalry is an issue at times in our house with the twins. I will never know if Sawyer would be unhappy […]
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