Molly Bears and Mixed Blessings

June 16, 2012 at 7:48 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss, normal?, silver lining, Time, twins | 6 Comments
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Mixed Blessings:

The twins have finished another year of preschool.  This is what I want.  I want them to be healthy.  They should grow up, unlike their brothers who are frozen in time.  So why do I have such mixed emotions as yet another year flies by?   There is so much to look forward to as the twins get older.   Is it the fact that there is nothing to look forward to for Jake and Sawyer?  Or, is it because the twins might be leaving preschool behind and starting kindergarten?

Which brings me to reason #2 I am a mixed-up mom at the moment.  The twins’ birthday is 8 days before school here starts.  They will be among the youngest in their class.  Many of the neighborhood children who I thought would be starting kindergarten with them are going to another year of preschool (or pre kindergarten).    Evan and I have a few options for the twins.  Whatever we decide will work for our family.   In the meantime, I will keep repeating the words of my therapist or Buddha (or maybe both. . .) “everything is exactly the way it should be right now.”

Molly Bears:

Molly Christine died at 34 weeks, on May 30th 2010.  A high school friend gave her parents a weighted teddy bear.  Molly’s mom added rice to the bear so that it was the exact weight of Molly at her time of death/birth.   While nothing will replace Molly it helped her mother to hold the teddy bear.  Her mother began to make Molly Bears for other bereaved parents.  They have received over a thousand orders and so far have created hundreds of bears. Molly Bears are now with families in all 50 states and 13 countries.

Evan and I ordered bears for Jake and Sawyer.  We are looking forward to holding them in our arms.


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  1. I promise you will figure what is best for your twins! Xo

  2. “Everything will be alright in the end. If it isn’t alright, it isn’t the end.”
    Quote from “The Best Exotic Hotel Marigold.”
    Love, Ellen

  3. It is so bittersweet, but they are growing up beautifully and will make you proud whatever you decide about school.

  4. Life goes way too fast. You want to stop time for a moment and just look around and take it all in. You’ve got two awesome kiddos that will do great…in Kindergarten or Preschool again, there are no wrong choices, only different paths. Having said that, I absolutely suck at decision making :). I love the Molly Bear concept. Very touching. Thinking of you my dear….
    Love, Amy

  5. It’s true that they will be fine in school–no matter what your decision ends up being!

  6. I completely understand the mixed emotions when you contemplate your babies growing up.
    We opted for a huggable Teddy Bear Urn for our daughter’s remains. We keep it on our bed; most nights one or the other of us sleeps with her in our arms. It is a HUGE comfort.

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