The Ocean

April 4, 2012 at 9:28 pm | Posted in Death, Grief | 5 Comments
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I met a bereaved father the other day. There is an immediate level of familiarity when you meet another member of the club. Bereaved parents all have different stories but we have all walked in the darkest valley of death. We have all cruelly defied the circle of life and outlived our children.

It has been 7 years since his 29-year-old son died. The father went on to tell me an analogy of grieving for your child. I am not sure I can explain it as eloquently as he did but I will try.

Grief is like an ocean. At times it is calm but there are always ripples. Other times the water is rough. The ocean is unpredictable. Out of no where and with little or no warning a tsunami will drown you. Over time the waters will calm down again but they will never be still.

On a completely different but still ocean related note, click this link to hear the twins tell their versions of their great grandfather’s ocean joke.


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  1. I so agree with the father – grief is like the ocean. It comes in waves… sometimes gently lifting you in its swell and other times knocking you down in its fury. And like the ocean it is always moving, ripples, swells, great vicious waves that leave you gasping for breath. I love my in-laws and mourn for them – as they lost their eldest son. It truly does take a village to mourn one lost love. Mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, and in my case a wife and children. Oh Lanie… so much to be sorry for and so much joy left to behold. In your case your twins, in my case my three “kidadults”… let us both try our hardest to embrace the love we have and have had.



    • I could not agree with you more about the village and embracing the love. Here is to standing back up and catching our breath. Take care.

  2. That is so true. There are days that I am doing okay (and I used to feel guilty about that) and then there are days that I wonder how I’m going to get through this. Thank goodness for people who understand. xo Lanie

  3. What a perfect image, the unpredictable ocean. And what adorable joke-tellers — tell them I laughed and laughed!

  4. A perfect metaphor to describe the unfathomable situation.

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