More Magic Moments
February 24, 2011 at 4:58 pm | Posted in Grief, mother, silver lining | 15 CommentsTags: cancer, grief, hospice, Jake, life after loss, Sawyer
As I wrote in this post, I try to appreciate good moments. For the past 2 weeks Evan, the twins and I have been at Evan’s mother’s house. My amazing mother-in-law was diagnosed with breast cancer 18 years ago. She was on a form of oral chemo through the spring of 2003. At that time the cancer came back in her bones. Since 2005 she has had chemo 3 weeks on and 1 week off. She had beaten all the odds until this year.
We are here spending time with her. It is not easy but worth it. Every day there are some good moments. A rabbi has been coming to the house. She explained a Hebrew term called “yikar.” There is no exact translation but it means “treasure” or “gem.” I try to etch these moments into my memory so that I will always have them.
I cannot help but think of precious moments we had with Jake and Sawyer. All of Jake’s time with us was in the NICU but there were some good moments. The days when Jake was doing well and reducing his reliance on the ventilators. The day that I was able to change Jake’s diaper for the first (and only) time. I always smile when I think of the one and only time Evan changed Jake. Jake peed on his dad.
We were lucky enough to have more magic moments with Sawyer. Among my favorites are bringing him home from the hospital and introducing him to the twins. Evan’s mom was not able to meet Sawyer. The weekend that they were supposed to visit was the weekend that the twins got sick. Her immune system was compromised and we could not take a chance that the twins would get her sick. The trip was postponed. Sawyer died before they were able to visit.
One day last week it was unseasonably warm. Evan’s mom was able to sit on the back deck. She was able to visit with some friends. The twins played in the snow and mud. I will try to focus on the yikar – the treasured moments that we are able to capture.
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- Making snow/mud angels
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- Making snow/mud angels
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A Mourning Mom 
So thoughtful and full of heart.
Comment by julie— February 24, 2011 #
It’s nice to have some yikar to think about and focus on. I wanted to mention my involvement with the March of Dimes. It seems to really help me cope with the tragedy our family has faced. It gives me a safe platform for me to talk about our precious Dylan. I got to give a speech today for the March of Dimes (MOD) where I spoke about our reasons for being involved with MOD which is to celebrate Kayla’s accomplishments and in honor & memory of Dylan. As with blogging, it’s another outlet that helps! Wishing that you and yours will continue to create more yikar!
Comment by Jenny Kernan— February 24, 2011 #
That is a beautiful way to look at your life now and what you and Evan have together. Blessings to you all!
Comment by Beth— February 24, 2011 #
Thank you for giving me the understanding of Yikar. Do you mind if I keep your mother in law in my prayers? (I’m not Jewish… does that matter?)… I will pray that her life is filled with these treasured moments until the end of her time.
Blessings,
Linda
Comment by The Good Cook— February 24, 2011 #
Any and all prayers are always welcome. Thank you for thinking of us. Take care.
Comment by amourningmom— February 24, 2011 #
I’ve been thinking of you all everyday.
Comment by Susan— February 24, 2011 #
I found your blog by accident and I just wanted to say I’m so sorry for your losses. You write beautifully and I was moved and saddened by your story. I wish you and your family all the best — you seem like a very brave woman with a wonderful family. Take care.
Comment by Sarah— February 24, 2011 #
Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers. I remember meeting Evan’s Mom when the twins were born. I enjoyed speaking to her and admired her gorgeous paintings. A Lovely Woman and Fabulous Artist!!
Comment by Penny— February 24, 2011 #
What gorgeous angels, with or without the snow and mud. You are always close in my thoughts and heart Lanie.
Comment by Daphne— February 24, 2011 #
Beautiful story. Give Evan and the kids a hug for me. I love the word Yikar.
Comment by Patty— February 24, 2011 #
Lanie, I treasure your blogs…my dad always tries to teach me yiddish phrases with urgency that i must remember phrases from his grandmother. Yikar is a new one to me and a beautiful one, which perfectly describes the love and the wonderful moments in life. I will ask him why he has not shared this one with me. Yikar seems to describe the beauty of you and your family. much love
stacey
Comment by stacey— February 25, 2011 #
I am praying for you, Evan and the twins. You are a wise woman to try to appreciate these small moments. Thank you for passing on your wisdom.
Comment by Kristen— February 25, 2011 #
I miss seeing those two… It was really nice to see some photos of them.
I pray daily for all of you. Give Evan a big hug! all our love!
Comment by Susan FB— February 25, 2011 #
Caring with deeds and not just with words has always been a strong part of your family’s character. The time that you and the family are spending with Evan’s mother is such a gift, to you as well as to her. As with the time that you had with the two precious sons that you lost, your memory of this time spent will be a blessing.
With loving thoughts, Ellen
Comment by Ellen Pease— February 25, 2011 #
Lanie once again you’ve done such a lovely job recounting the moments. And those are what count.
Comment by eden— February 28, 2011 #