Tear Soup
December 20, 2011 at 11:10 pm | Posted in Grief, silver lining | 8 CommentsTags: dark days, hope, Jake, life after loss, perspective, Sawyer
After Jake died many people gave us books to read about death and grief. I could not read any of them for a long time. I was searching for steps to get through the grief. The first book I managed to read was Tear Soup by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck Deklyen. There are a lot of pictures and the story is simple. The book does not provide the “steps” I was looking for but it did help me.
The main character is Grandy, a wise old woman. She has suffered a big loss but the exact nature of the loss is not mentioned. She goes into her kitchen and cooks a batch of Tear Soup. The soup is made of memories and lots of tears. She cooks the soup throughout the book. She never really finishes cooking the soup but she does put some of it into the refrigerator to take out at a later time.
At the end of the book there are tips for the cook. I thought I would share a few of them:
• Grief is the process you go through as you adjust to the loss of anything or anyone important in your life.
• The loss of a job, a move, divorce, death of someone you love, or a change in health status are just a few of the situations that can cause grief.
• Grief is both physically and emotionally exhausting. It is also irrational and unpredictable and can shake your very foundation.
• The amount of “work” your grief requires will depend on your life experiences, the type of loss, and whatever else you have on your plate at that time.
• A sudden, unexpected loss is usually more traumatic, more disruptive and requires more time to adjust to.
• You may lose trust in your own ability to make decisions and/or to trust others.
• Assumptions about fairness, life order, and religious beliefs are often challenged.
• Seasons, with their colors and climate, can also take you back to that moment in time when your world stood still.
• You may sense you have no control in your life .
.• Being at work may provide a relief from your grief, but as soon as you get in the car and start driving home you may find your grief come flooding back.
• You may find that you are incapable of functioning in the work environment for a short while.
• Because grief is distracting it also means you are more accident-prone.
• The object of grieving is not to get over the loss or recover from the loss but to get through the loss.
• Over the years you will look back and discover that this grief keeps teaching you new things about life. Your understanding of life will just keep going deeper.
These days between Sawyer’s birthday and the day he died are difficult. I try to look back at what helped me in the past and hope that it will get me through these dark days.
“It is always darkest before the dawn.” Proverb
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A Mourning Mom 
I’ve been thinking of you a lot lately. Sending lots of prayers and love. xo
Comment by Kelcey— December 20, 2011 #
Thinking of you dear friend as you work on your grief. Sending you strength and love, Amy
Comment by Amy Johnson— December 20, 2011 #
I know that book. My grief therapist gave it to me. The authors are correct about grief. We never “get over it”; the loss is with us forever and will forever shape our lives. The best we can do is transcend our grief and learn to move forward with it, allowing it to soften and be still.
Linda
Comment by The Good Cook— December 21, 2011 #
Walking with you and holding your hand. Love, Patty
Comment by Patty— December 21, 2011 #
I am praying for you.
Comment by Kristen— December 21, 2011 #
You are in my thoughts every day.
Comment by Daphne— December 21, 2011 #
I remember when you got that book–and thought it one of the wisest books in its simplicity–I like how you’re allowing others to learn from it as well.
Comment by Eden— December 22, 2011 #
Holding you all in the Light.
Comment by dilovely— December 23, 2011 #