A Mourning Mom

Staying Present

Recently, I was reminded once again to live in the present.  I watched an interview with Valerie Harper.  She spoke so honestly about how she is trying to live in the moment and live her life to the fullest despite her terminal brain cancer diagnosis.  In her interview, Harper reminded us all that “None of us gets out alive.  Don’t go to the funeral before the day of the funeral.”

I replayed her interview in my head when I saw a daunting hill on mile 12 of the half  marathon I was running.  My first thought was to jump to the future (at least for a couple of hours to when I was showered and not running).  I tried to focus on the moment.  It was a beautiful day.  Only 1.1 miles to go.  The run was rough but I made it.

I again thought of Valerie Harper as I was helping the twins with their homework.  One of the twins had the assignment to draw a family picture in order from tallest to shortest.

Who is the tallest?  No problem.  “Daddy is the tallest!”

Who is the shortest? Tougher question.  “Mama, who was taller, Jake or Sawyer?”

The “not living in the moment me” would have taken into consideration that Jake should be 7.  He should be taller than the twins and Sawyer (who should be 3).

I pulled myself back to the present reality.  I answered,  “Jake was the shortest.”

My therapist is always reminding me not to grow Jake and Sawyer up.  The loss of Jake and Sawyer as babies is horrible enough without also grieving the loss at every age.  I am still working on this. . .