February 19, 2016 at 2:05 pm | Posted in Grief, hospital, life after loss | 8 Comments
Tags: baby loss, child loss, death of a baby, life after loss, motherhood, post traumatic stress disorder, thoughts, unexplainable
On President’s Day I took the twins to a go-kart, bowling, ninja warrior play place. Everyone had a fantastic time until one of the twins decided that he was a much bigger ninja warrior than he actually is. He hurt his ankle and I took him and his sister home.
The next day he was still limping and still on winter break. I decided I should take him to the doctor while he was home and preempt the call I might get from school about his limp. After seeing the doctor she decided we should go get an x-ray.
At this point in the day it was close to rush hour in Atlanta. The closest place to have the x-ray is the children’s hospital across the street from our pediatrician’s office. I drive past the hospital where Sawyer died all the time. I know that revisiting certain places (like the place where Sawyer was pronounced dead) should be avoided. I was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder after Jake died and then again after Sawyer died.
I decided PTSD or no PTSD we were going for the x-ray. And so we did. One twin went into the x-ray room by himself while I stood with his sister in the hall. I tried with every ounce of my being to shut out the thoughts of standing in this hospital hall staring at the closed door to the room where Sawyer was taken.
A few minutes later the door opened. I held onto a hand of each of the twins and left the hospital.
Little boy with just a sprained ankle and a mom who would like to wrap him and his sister in bubble wrap.
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A Mourning Mom 
you seem to have missed an important tag in today’s blog entry – “strong mommy”. xo
Comment by robin— February 19, 2016 #
Very proud of you dahlin’, you are an amazing, strong woman…and a fabulous mom!
Comment by Amy— February 19, 2016 #
So glad he’s on the mend. Sprained ankles heal much faster than sprained hearts… Keep being an incredible and strong mama!
Comment by Daphne— February 19, 2016 #
Glad, it was a sprain that will heal. Addressing the matter of his limp before he’d go back to school shows you as a pro-active and clever Mom. I hope you will not wrap him – or his sister, as adorable as they both are – in bubble wrap but you know that yourself. Take care, Lanie. Love, Cornelia
Comment by Cornelia Levine— February 19, 2016 #
I agree with others… you are seriously a strong mama! I admire you (and always have). You are one of the kindest and most thoughtful women I know. I am grateful for you!
Comment by Kristen— February 19, 2016 #
We’re certainly happy to hear that it was a Ninja strain and not a Ninja break in the end! And we are impressed that you yet again, found the strength to manage in a location that holds hard memories.
Comment by Eden— February 19, 2016 #
Glad you are both ok!:) Go Super Mom!❤️ xoxox Julie
Comment by Julie— February 20, 2016 #
Thought you might identify with this:❤️
Dear Bereaved Parent: With Every Morsel Of Unspeakable Pain, There Is Love
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/angela-miller/dear-newly-bereaved-parent_b_9090384.html
Comment by Julie— February 20, 2016 #