November 24, 2011 at 10:58 pm | Posted in Grief, mourning, parents, twins | 12 Comments
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I looked back at my post from last Thanksgiving.  In some ways I have come a long way.  In other ways not so much.  I wanted to cancel the entire holiday season last year.  It was the holiday season where Sawyer should have been turning 1.  I could not understand how everyone was just going along being happy and celebrating.  I felt the same way the holiday season after Jake died.  I avoided any and all holiday parties.  I could not pretend to go through the motions.   I desperately wanted to scream, cry and run to some place where Jake and Sawyer were with me.

No matter what I do the world keeps on going without Jake and without Sawyer.  This year Evan and I tried to return to our holiday plan from years past.  The first years of our marriage we tried to see all 3 sets of our parents.   We even forced ourselves to go the year that Jake died.  The next year we had to stay in town because we had gotten onto the infertility rollercoaster.  

We did somehow manage to get ourselves back on the visiting all 3 sets of family schedule once the twins were born.  I am still not quite sure how we pulled that off with 3 month old twins.  In 2009 Sawyer was born the third week of November.  We came home from the hospital the week of Thanksgiving.  Needless to say we stayed home that year.  

I have a brilliant friend who came up with the fantastic plan to celebrate Thanksgiving early with her family.  No travel, no stress.  We have not found that happy Thanksgiving place yet.   Maybe we never will.  We will keep trying.  I will continue to be so very thankful for our families and friends and to hold on tight to what I can.  Happy Thanksgiving to you all!


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  1. Happy Thanksgiving to you Lanie! I am thinking a lot of you this time of year and sending you healing thoughts. Whatever you and Evan and the twins decide to do each holiday, being together, the four of you is the most important part. The rest will fall into place somehow. I will raise a glass to you this holiday season and also toast the “absent loved ones” who are always in our hearts. – Love, Amy

  2. I know the feeling of wanting to skip the holidays. I’m trying very hard to be grateful and thankful for what I do have. I know you are grateful for the twins and for Evan and for having 3 sets of parents! I am grateful for the time I did have, for the love I still have in my heart and for family and friends who hold me up. (you included)


  3. I am thankful for you my dear on this thanksgiving. Always praying for you and sending lots of love. xo

  4. For the first year after we lost Hadley we skipped the holidays, the only thing I could do was pretend they weren’t happening. I am getting better at them, I guess but it is still so hard and takes so much energy. I hope Thanksgiving was as good for you as it could be.

  5. I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
    I remember that it could be so hard thinking the world kept going without my boy and it seemed like everyone forgot. I just want you to know that I won’t forgot your boys or mine. 🙂 I’m thinking about you today and praying for you.

    I also wanted to tell you that you won a free copy of “The Golden Sky” from the blogfest. If you already have this, maybe I can send you a copy of my other book (a children’s book). You can e-mail me here:

  6. I think the idea of a no stress holiday is brilliant! I hope you were able to achieve that with Thanksgiving. Love to your whole gang from ours, Daphne

  7. Amen to stress-free holidays! Happy Thanksgiving to you and the family! And hopefully the travel didn’t add too much to the stress this year…

  8. Know that I am thinking about you and your family and wishing good things your way – a relaxing holiday season with love and the building of some fun memories xoxo Lisa

  9. Lanie, dear – Thank you for wishing all of us a happy Thanksgiving when it so clearly eludes you. Your generosity and warmth are touching and I wish you much joy with Fletcher and Alyssa! You are a wonderful person and I am grateful for knowing you.
    With much love, Cornelia

  10. Thanksgiving is the warm up for the real kicker – the Christmas and Hanukkah holidays, isnt it? How I want to bottle up some spare strength for you to sip on when you need it. If only it worked that way. What a rip off that things do not work just the way they should.

    Your family is beautiful.

  11. […] Hope that you all had a very happy Thanksgiving! […]

  12. Wishing you the best. I started writing about our journey on Sam’s story…I totally understand how heavy your heart has been. . This is our story:

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