August & Awkward Appointments (part 2)
August 18, 2011 at 11:48 pm | Posted in Grief, mourning, pregnancy, silver lining, twins | 7 CommentsTags: child loss, grief, Jake, life after loss, parenthood, Sawyer
As I wrote about previously in this post, doctor’s appointments can at times be awkward. I am not a big fan of the forms that you have to fill out about your medical history. I understand why they are necessary but I truly dislike listing the birth and death dates of Jake and Sawyer. The OB forms do not even have enough lines for me to write all of the complications before and after pregnancy that we have had. I am sure one day these forms will not bother me but today they do.
The twins had their 4-year-old check up today. A new nurse came to get us from the waiting room. As she brought us into the room she asked me, “Are you expecting company?” I looked at the twins and Evan and thought to myself, “how many more people can we fit in this tiny exam room?” And, who else would I be expecting? Then the nurse looked at my stomach and repeated the question. My quizzical look turned to horror. Really, is she really asking me if I am pregnant? Yes, she did.
That question is emotion-packed. The times when I answered yes to that question – thoughts of being pregnant with Jake, the twins and Sawyer. The realization that my stomach apparently still has a pregnancy pouch. Or, maybe I just made an unfortunate outfit choice.
The nurse was reading over our medical charts as my mind was still racing. I could see in her eyes that she had just read about Sawyer, Jake or maybe both. She looked at me and apologizes.
Overall the day was a success. One outfit for Good Will. Two healthy twins. Three weeks down in August. Four beautiful children.
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A Mourning Mom 
That nurse is an idiot – every woman alive knows to never ask that question unless there is an infant head obviously coming out of your body.
Linda
Comment by The Good Cook— August 19, 2011 #
You have a wonderful perspective! Sending hugs and prayers!
Comment by Kristen— August 19, 2011 #
Always thinking of you, especially in August. Here’s to making it through appointments and anniversaries while still appreciating the blessings of today. Here’s to Sawyer’s outfit..and haircuts, and always remembering those not with us. You’re a classy lady Lanie. All my best to you.
Amy
Comment by Amy Johnson— August 19, 2011 #
I’m with Linda — what kind of moron asks if you’re pregnant without seeing a head?
Love the pictures — especially the hair cut. How much did she cut off?
Comment by Daphne— August 19, 2011 #
ugh. why does that happen to every woman on the planet? My god, what is wrong with people?! And a nurse? Doesn’t she know better?
Comment by kelcey— August 19, 2011 #
Ahh, the many variations of “How many children do you have?” Loss survivors learn to hate questions like this right away, don’t they? After I lost my son and was about 6 months pregnant with my daughter people started asking “Is this your first?” I still don’t know how to answer these questions politely around the sinking feeling that starts in my stomach at questions like these. I confess there have been a few times that I haven’t answered politely at all. I never know whether to include my son and stay true to what’s in my heart but be forced to explain very personal things to a near-stranger or to leave him out to save myself the trouble but feel like a traitor to my son when I walk away.
Comment by Reese— August 22, 2011 #
[…] I still go to the ob/gyn group that we saw during my pregnancy with Sawyer. I love the doctor who delivered Sawyer but I decided to switch doctors within the group for my annual check ups. Just like after Jake died it seemed like starting over with a new doctor was too daunting. By staying in the practice I have not had to start over from the beginning with all the forms. […]
Pingback by should you switch ob/gyns after your baby dies? | A Mourning Mom— October 20, 2014 #