How are you?

August 9, 2010 at 6:44 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | 10 Comments
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People ask this question all the time.  It is a common greeting.  I too used to ask the question.  Now,  I can’t answer it.  Or, I cry as I try to answer. 

“How are you?”  

Not so great.  In fact, awful.  Our first son, Jake was born in August of 2005 at 26 weeks.  He lived for 2 weeks in the NICU.  The only time we held him was while he passed away.  Jake’s funeral was August 28, 2005.

After clomid, letersol, 6 IUIs and 2 IVF’s we had our amazing twins in July of 2007.   I treasure every day with them.

In November, 2009 we were lucky enough to have a beautiful full term boy, Sawyer.  At 10:45 pm on December 25, 2009 I kissed my perfect baby good night for the last time.   Sawyer’s heart stopped very early the next morning.  No symptoms, no warning, he was just gone.  Sawyer’s funeral was December 28, 2009.

I take life day by day.  I keep thinking that there must be some purpose to all this grief.  For the almost five years since Jake died I have been trying to figure out what to do with all my sadness.  Since Sawyer died I am numb but I have to keep moving forward.  I am starting this blog to create a purpose for Jake and Sawyer’s lives.  And, perhaps help other families or maybe just my own. . .

Other people’s words of wisdom

August 9, 2010 at 6:32 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
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Death is Nothing at all

Death is nothing at all. . .I have only slipped away into the next room. . . I am I, and you are you. . . Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.  Call me by my old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way you always used.  Put no difference into your tone; wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.  Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes we enjoyed together.  Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.  Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.  Let it be spoken without effect, without ghost of a shadow on it.  Life means all it ever meant.  It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken continuity.  Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?  I am waiting for you, for an interval, somewhere very near just around the corner. . . All is well.

Henry Scott Holland, Oxford Professor of Dignity, The Anglican Digest

Little Angel

I was given an angel to cherish and love. 

So tiny, so perfect, a gift from above.

When I looked at his face it was calmness I found

And that peace seemed to spread to all he was around.

His love touched my heart like fine threads of spun gold

And I thanked G-d for giving me this angel to hold.

But I did not know then that time was my foe

And too soon, with a whisper, my angel would go.

My heart almost breaking, a touch soft as lace

Seemed to wipe at the hurt as it coursed down my face. 

I still have my angel to cherish and love.

Those gold threads now shimmer from Heaven above.

And though I can’t see him or cuddle him tight,

I won’t say goodbye, Little Angel, goodnight.

Anonymous

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