Life Lessons

January 2, 2012 at 10:50 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss, life lessons, silver lining | 9 Comments
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Here are a few of the things I have learned so far in life. I did not necessarily learn them in 2011 but now seems as good a time as any to share them.  Do you have any you would like to share? 

This list is not complete and will most likely be ongoing for the rest of my life.  They are in no particular order. . .

  1. When asked,  “How you are?”  Most of the time people just want to hear the response, “Fine” and go on with their day. 
  2. Hug more.  One of the twins loves to hug and be hugged all the time.  I will actually be hugging him and he will say, “Mama, I need a hug.”  I answer, “I am hugging you right now”.  He responds, “Hug more.”
  3. Look for rainbows.  
  4. Listen carefully.  The twins wanted gelt, the chocolate coins which are given out at Hanukkah.  However, they kept asking, “Is it time for Hanukkah guilt?”
  5. Music makes people happy. 
  6. Tutus also make people happy (see above).  And, apparently ties can be the reason for really big smiles.
  7. Sleep.  Grief (along with life in general) is exhausting
  8. Life can be heartbreaking, unfair and unexplainable.  No one ever promised any thing different.
  9. Treasure the moments – you are never sure just how many you will have.



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  1. I’ve learned to take the time each day to be grateful for everything little thing in my life. Great post. xo

  2. I’ve learned a few things in this thing we call life. I suppose I too should begin a list. One thing I know for sure is that love is not finite. The human heart can expand to hold all the love in the world (if you let it).


    ps. You are right about sleep. I wish I could.

  3. A great list, Lanie. I wish you all an exceptionally joyful and rewarding 2012!
    With love, Cornelia

  4. I found your blog while reading through the comments on rockstar Ronan. your name intrigued me and I clicked on it. I stayed up for hours reading your blog and about jake and sawyer. I can’t imagine having one baby die, nevermind 2. I can’t understand how that can happen. it is so heartbreaking, I have 4 kids, the middle 2 are a set of twins. I just wanted to let you know that I read your blog and I’m glad you put it out there. you are so strong and brave. I’m so very sorry for everything you have gone through.

  5. So many tough lessons to learn Lanie. #1 is so, so true. No one really wants to know. Wish we lived closer so that we could discuss being “not fine” over coffee.

  6. This is such sage advise, Lanie. I vow to look for rainbows and treasure more little moments without just letting them go by.

  7. I’ve learned just how much we can touch each other’s lives. Last night as I was putting my kids to bed, Brad gave me a big thumbs up: “Just like Fletcher”. You, your kids, your words, touch those thousands of miles away. For that I am so very grateful. Love, Amy

  8. Hug more… I agree 100%. I’m glad both of you are getting those hugs. I’ve also learned that, while #1 is true, it can also be true that people care more about us than we realize. That when you open up about sorrow, people can deeply surprise you with their caring.

  9. I have nothing to add to your list, but want to say I whole heatedly agree with more hugs and more tutu’s. Is it so wrong to want to wear a tutu???

    I also want to treasure more moments. They just all seem more important after the death of your child.

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