Dear Sawyer

November 4, 2011 at 12:10 pm | Posted in Grief, mourning | 7 Comments
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Dear Sawyer,
It is difficult for me to believe but in 2 weeks you would have been 2 years old.  We should be planning your birthday party.  The invitations should have been sent.  I should be running last-minute errands to Party City and Michaels. Instead your dad and I are trying to finalize your headstone.  It is mostly your dad.  I am not so good with the headstones.  It should be finalized soon.  I saw Maureen from the cemetery the other day.  I asked her to call me before they put your stone in the ground.  I know it has been ordered and it will arrive one day soon.  I am going to try to prepare myself.  I am going to be extra strong so that I do not lose it when I see your name in stone.  It is just so permanent. 

Your daddy and I are also figuring out your unveiling.  I wish more than anything we were discussing how many cupcakes to order for your birthday party.  People have told me that we do not have to have an unveiling.  I know.  When your child dies there are very few rules you have to follow. But, in my heart it feels wrong not to do anything (not nearly as wrong as you dying).   We will figure it out.  Sometimes it is just so hard. We have to move forward.  We have to breathe.  We have to live in a world without you and your brother

I miss you so much sweet Sawyer.  Where are you?  Wherever you are please know how much your mommy loves you.  I like to think that you are playing with Jake.  Mom Mom and Grandmother are taking care of you.   I love you baby boy, I will see you in my dreams.  

Love always,
Mommy

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7 Comments »

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  1. What a beautiful letter. I know that he’s received it!

  2. This is heartbreaking and beautiful. I too wish you were ordering cupcakes for your beautiful boy.

  3. You’re right, there are no rules… but I think your unveiling, though awful, will be good too. I think we humans need our rites to help us along.

    That photo is so beautiful, it brings tears to my eyes every time.

  4. Sawyer,
    I love you and miss you too. Your Mommy is wonderful with words. She says it all so well.

    We may not know exactly where you are, but we know you are in our hearts always.

    Love, Daddy

  5. Beautiful post Lanie. I wish I could bring him and Jake back to heal your heart.

  6. I’m so sorry for your loss. There are no rules for what you should have to do in this case. Do anything that brings you any sort of comfort.

  7. […] every day I miss Jake and Sawyer but tomorrow at 7 pm we will light candles.  This year I will once again hope that the light from […]


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