A Mourning Mom

Out of Control

“If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.”
– – Mario Andretti

Thank you all so much for the well wishes for Evan.  He was cleared to go back to work.  He will have quite a few doctor’s appointments in his future but we are hopeful that his health will be back under control soon.  I have once again been reminded of an important life lesson. I DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL.

I am not sure what happens but sometimes I forget. It is like I have amnesia and I actually believe I have a bit of control.  Jake, Sawyer, infertility . . . just to list a few glaring instances where I am not in charge. I will continue to remind myself of the tasks which I can control.   Laundry, the dishes, grocery shopping. . .a few which immediately come to mind. As for the rest, I will have to try my best and go with the flow.

I recently read another Buddha story about an old man who accidentally fell into a river leading to a dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. “I bent myself into the water, not the water to me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived.”

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