Out of Control
February 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm | Posted in Grief, life lessons, twins, venting | 6 CommentsTags: Buddha, infertility, Jake, life after loss, mario andretti, Sawyer, unexplainable
“If everything seems under control, you’re just not going fast enough.”
– – Mario Andretti
Thank you all so much for the well wishes for Evan. He was cleared to go back to work. He will have quite a few doctor’s appointments in his future but we are hopeful that his health will be back under control soon. I have once again been reminded of an important life lesson. I DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTROL.
I am not sure what happens but sometimes I forget. It is like I have amnesia and I actually believe I have a bit of control. Jake, Sawyer, infertility . . . just to list a few glaring instances where I am not in charge. I will continue to remind myself of the tasks which I can control. Laundry, the dishes, grocery shopping. . .a few which immediately come to mind. As for the rest, I will have to try my best and go with the flow.
I recently read another Buddha story about an old man who accidentally fell into a river leading to a dangerous waterfall. Onlookers feared for his life. Miraculously, he came out alive and unharmed at the bottom of the falls. People asked him how he managed to survive. “I bent myself into the water, not the water to me. Without thinking, I allowed myself to be shaped by it. Plunging into the swirl, I came out with the swirl. This is how I survived.”
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A Mourning Mom 
Here is to Evans health, favourite friend and Buddha stories
Big hug to you
Stacey
Comment by Stacey w— February 22, 2012 #
So glad Evan is better. I will be thinking of you all, sending healing thoughts. When you figure out how to relinquish control, let me know. I am completely unable to bend to any challenge, much less a waterfall. My mom tells me that worry is payment on a debt you may never owe. Doesn’t help. Deep breaths, take care my friend.
Comment by Amy Johnson— February 22, 2012 #
Great pictures of the kiddos. They are so cute. I think it’s hysterical that you’ve taken to quoting Mario Andretti! Just shows how cool and laid back and open minded you are my friend!
Comment by Daphne— February 23, 2012 #
Happy to hear about the clean bill of health! And, you’re finding some amazing quotes to pass on! Keep it up…
Comment by Eden— February 28, 2012 #
[…] and Sawyer‘s deaths were due to circumstances beyond our control. I cannot describe in words how horribly helpless it feels as a parent to watch your child die and […]
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