Super Star

July 10, 2011 at 12:38 am | Posted in hospital, silver lining | 12 Comments
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Our little super star was such a good sport.  He happily played while waiting for his surgery.

He was not able to eat or drink that morning.  I dreaded him asking for something and not being able to give it to him.  Luckily, he was so busy playing with his cars that he only asked once.  I responded by handing him more cars.

Evan and I could hear him chatting as the nurses and surgeon wheeled him away down the hall.  We waited in his room.

He was brought back to us from the recovery room. He was in and out of sleep.

When he did wake up the first thing he asked for was his car.  The second thing he asked for was more cars.  However, he did not turn down the apple juice or popsicle the nurse offered him.

And before we knew it our super star, his blue tongue, Lightening McQueen and all the other cars were happily on our way home.

Thank you all so much for sending positive thoughts, good wishes and love!

Hospitals, Hernias & Holidays

July 2, 2011 at 11:32 pm | Posted in emergency room, Grief, hospital, parents, twins | 10 Comments
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Yesterday I called Evan and told him to come home immediately.  As I hung up the phone, I questioned if I overreacted.  We had been at a close friend’s house playing.  All was normal except when we left one twin ran to the car and the other was dragging his left foot.  I asked if he wanted me to pick him up.  It is not unusual for him to get tired and ask to be carried.  However, when I picked him up he screamed to be put down.

Finally I got everybody in the car.  As I drove I thought maybe he was having an allergic reaction.  Maybe he could not walk because his feet were swollen.  Or maybe his shoes were too small and he needed new shoes.  I opted to stop at CVS rather than the shoe store.  At this point, they both were screaming.  She wanted ice cream.  He wanted to sit down.  After buying Benadryl, 2 toy cars and frozen yogurt to go, we were back in the car.  I made the call to Evan.  One of us needed to take him to the doctor.

At home I stripped him down to look for hives.  He was very swollen in his groin area.  Evan got home and took him to the after hours pediatric urgent care.  I fully expected a call telling me there was an unexplainable allergic reaction (like many others in the past) and the hives would be gone in the morning.

Instead Evan called to tell me that he was on his way to the ER.   The hive was actually a hernia.  I needed to go to the ER.   Luckily, I was able to drop off the well twin back at our friend’s house.  Thank you again!!

I got to the ER just in time for the ultrasound.  He screamed, cried and begged (politely) for the ultrasound technician to please stop.  Evan and I held him down.  Ok, Evan held him down.  I had to go cry in the hall.

After the ultrasound we waited to speak to the surgeon.  While waiting, I went to the bathroom.  The bathroom was right across from this hospital’s “consult room.”  The “consult room” was where Evan and I held Jake for the last time.  It was where we were when the ER doctor told us that Sawyer was dead.  They were different “consult rooms,” in different hospitals but they looked the same.  Standard issue plastic couch and chair.  Generic flowery art.  Striped carpet.

As I reached the door of our ER room I looked through the glass panel of the door.  Evan was holding hands with our very much alive son.  I thought of the glass partition which Alice Wisler so insightfully used to describe bereaved parent’s desire to be so close and so distant from their living children.  I walked back into the room.

The surgeon arrived.  He originally said that we would be checked in and surgery would be the next morning.   An hour or so later, we were told that due to life threatening cases and the holiday weekend we would need to go home.  We were discharged early this morning.  Surgery will be scheduled for this week.  I am going to kiss the twins one more time right now.

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