Faith?
November 10, 2014 at 11:40 pm | Posted in Grief, life after loss | 7 CommentsTags: death of a baby, grief, hope, Jake, Jewish customs, new not so normal, Sawyer, unexplainable
After Sawyer died a rabbi spoke to me and Evan. Evan told him that he was very angry. The rabbi told Evan to go ahead and be angry at G-d, ” because if anyone can handle it, He can.” This made sense to me.
The rabbi went on to tell us a story that did not make too much sense to me at the time. He told us about a rabbi and his wife who were walking back from their son’s funeral. The wife asked her husband, “what now, what do we live for?” The husband answered that we live for our living children and to carry on the memory of our son. Tragically, the next child of this couple dies. And once again, walking back from the funeral the wife asks her husband, “what now, what do we live for?” The husband gives the same answer, “we live for our living children and to carry on the memories of our sons.”
The story goes on until the couple has walked back from the funerals of all their children. The wife once more asks, “what now, what do we live for?” The husband says we are to carry on the memories of our children and we are reminders to everyone else in the village to be thankful for what they have.
My initial response to this story was, “why us? Why do Evan and I have to be the reminders? Why can’t we just have Sawyer back?” Over the years my thoughts about this story have changed. I know that we cannot have Sawyer back. I know that we will always carry on Jake and Sawyer’s memory. Evan and I did not choose this journey but here we are – and I may never truly understand why. I do know Jake and Sawyer do remind us to hug the twins a little tighter and to appreciate what we do have.
“I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” Mother Teresa
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A Mourning Mom 
Love the quote from Mother Teresa! Hugs from all of us on your journey. xxx
Comment by SusanFB— November 11, 2014 #
Lanie, this is a beautiful story. I will remember Mother Teresa’s quote.
Comment by Patty— November 11, 2014 #
Sending you love, Julie
Comment by Julie— November 11, 2014 #
Thinking of you all often. xoxo
Comment by Lisa Petrovich— November 11, 2014 #
Dahlin’, sending lots of love to you and Evan and the twins as you continue your journey together.
Comment by Amy— November 11, 2014 #
Hi Lanie, i lost my twins 4 months ago at 26th week due to preterm labor. It pains me so much.. every time i read your blogs i cant help but reminisce the loss we’ve had but like you, i have two other kids who need our love and affection.. i just wish that God too didint trust me too much.. 😦
Comment by Aie Alonzo— November 11, 2014 #
This is so beautiful, Lanie.
Comment by Daphne— November 12, 2014 #