February 12, 2012 at 9:02 pm | Posted in Grief, hydrops, hydrops fetalis, venting | 13 Comments
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I have been going to the same primary care doctor for forever. I am not sure how many years forever is, but I know it predates my new normal.  The doctor who I usually saw retired before I had Jake. There have been so many other doctors in my life. Obstetricians, perinatologists, infertility specialists, therapists, pediatricians, cardiologists, pathologists, I could go on and on but you get the point. I have only gone to my primary doctor’s office a few times over the past several years. After the doctor I liked retired I would just go to whoever in the group could see me. Starting over with new doctors since Jake and Sawyer have died is emotional and complicated. Explaining my medical history feels extremely daunting.

I never considered switching until yesterday.  Yesterday I saw a doctor I will call “Dr. H.”  His office walls were covered with articles about his medical expertise along with framed awards and diplomas.  I made the appointment because despite my best efforts, I cannot seem to get rid of a persistent cough.  All I really wanted from Dr. H was a prescription.

As he looked into his computer at my file he seemed to be reading my history.  The subject of Jake and Sawyer came up.  Dr. H asked about depression and if my husband and I had looked into therapy.  I responded “I have got depression and therapy covered, thanks.”

Dr. H went on to comment about Jake.  “Ahh, seems that it was failure for nature to correct itself.”

I stared blankly at Dr. H, took my prescription and left. I now wish I had said something back to him but my mind could not process what he said till it was too late.  If nothing else, I should have responded with Ann Taintor’s perfect quote “Funny. . .I don’t recall asking for your opinion”.

As I walked out of the office I looked again at the diplomas on the wall.  Too bad Dr. H never took a compassion 101 course.


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  1. WOW. You’d think we’d be almost done replacing all the pompous quacks by now. (I know for a fact that here in Canada, med school students DO take classes in empathy… I hope that’s true for all new doctors, at least on this continent we call “civilized”.)

  2. Do not see that doctor again. There are many wonderful doctors out there. Get a recommendation. You and Jake deserve better.

  3. What a fuckwad. I’m sorry you had to deal with that 😦

  4. Just goes to show you that medical expertise and common decency have nothing to do with each other. That said, I liked Ali’s comment best.

  5. oh my, I am so sorry you had to hear him say that. I hope you can forget his thoughtless, cruel words. Wishing you peace and love.

  6. I am with Kelcey. Ugh! I hope your cough goes away soon.

  7. I hope, Lanie, you will not give up on your search for a competent and compassionate doctor. They do exist and you sound like you’re primed for a new physician.
    May your cough be no more than a winter phenomenon and subside quickly. May all four of you be well.
    I send love to all of you.

  8. One word…Asshole…’s vulgar, but appropriate.

  9. I’m going to use your line – want me to go kick him the shins?

  10. I hope you get over the cough. I have a great GP but he is located at I85 and Chamblee Dunwoody Road. He might be too far away. I have seen him for almost 20 years, he teaches at Emory and I can talk to him about anything. As soon as a doctor does something I don’t like or trust I leave.

  11. Wow, yeah I think that would would motivate me to move to someone new and probably someone that I would see regulatly instead of a group. It’s also never to late to say something, you could send a letter if you think it would make you feel better or potentially save the next victim of his failure to take that course.

  12. What the hell does that even mean in his demented, short-sighted little mind? Bye-bye doc. Hope at least your cough is getting better?

  13. A piece of fancy paper on the wall is certainly no replacement for compassion or manners. Hope you’re feeling better soon! And, if you have a moment, perhaps you do call his office back, and tell him why you’ll be visiting someone else in the future!

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