Irked & Irritated

November 30, 2011 at 10:30 pm | Posted in Cemetery, Grief, Love, venting | 6 Comments
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I wrote about this last month. After doing some research it seems that there are only 2 big companies who make grave markers. I am not sure why this matters because at this point I cannot imagine grave marker shopping but I like to have the information. Information gives me a sense that I have some sort of control. And I clearly do not.

Tomorrow it will be December.  We made the decision to order Sawyer’s headstone in August.  We started the process.  Evan has been sending the emails about the proof.  He copies me.  The proof has Sawyer’s name, date of birth, date of death and 4 short lines of text.  It is frightening that the grave marker editors cannot get this right.

My heart always starts to race when I see the email with the Subject: FW: D 7010691 PONTZ, SAWYER .  In some crazy recess of my brain I think that the email is going to explain to me why he died or better yet that he did not die at all.  The majority of my brain knows that this is just another email about the wording on Sawyer’s headstone.

I know in many ways I am obsessing about the emails from the pathologist and the headstone.  I am just grasping onto the little bits of Sawyer which can still be part of my day-to-day life.


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  1. I am a new follower of your blog. I buried my daughter 16 1/2 years ago and I still have days that are more difficult than before. I hope things improve for you. ❤

  2. are the people making headstones using some sort of chisel to make the proof? hopefully they get it all straightened out for you sooner rather than later.

  3. I know exactly what you mean when you say that having information gives you a sense of control. When Jim died his death certificate read “Cause of Death – Pending”.. it drove me crazy until the amended certificate was issued with the actual cause of death. I don’t know why this was so important to me, it certainly did not change anything… but I understand your feelings about the marker.


  4. Dahlin’, I am so sorry that you have to be dealing with this. Maybe the grave stone companies are intentionally incompetent so we can have a place to put our frustrations and anger.

  5. I’m with Amy — let’s think of their incompetency as providing a perfect outlet for the anger and frustration. It’s the only thing that makes sense.

  6. Oh mama. I’m with you, I still want to parent her.

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