Rainbows, Rite Aid & Readjusting

March 1, 2011 at 10:54 pm | Posted in Grief, silver lining, twins | 8 Comments
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It takes both the sun and the rain to make a beautiful rainbow.

These last few days it is difficult to see the sun.  As I mentioned in this post, we are spending time with Evan’s mom.  The good moments are fewer and farther apart.  I know that life has sun and rain.  I so wish I could write more about sunny times.   Even through the rain the twins can find the sun.  Here they are at Rite Aid:

The twins can also scout out the rainbows.

They spent a long time searching for rainbows in these crystal figurines.  Turns out flashlights combined with just the right amount of sunlight produce a lot of rainbows. 

The oil slick in the parking lot of Rite Aid.  I could have debated it is not truly a rainbow but pollution.  I did not because I have learned that I usually lose those kind of debates with our 3 1/2 year-olds.

The rainbow glasses at Mom Mom and Pop Pop’s house.

I have always hoped for miracles. 

After Jake was born at 26 weeks with hydrops, I hoped he would be among the 30% of babies who survive these enormous obstacles.  There was no miracle.

The horrible night we brought Sawyer to the emergency room, I hoped for the miracle that it would all be an awful mistake.  There was no miracle.

I now know that there will be no miracle that will give Evan’s mom back the life she had.  It is time for me to readjust what I am hoping for.


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  1. Lanie,
    My heart goes out to you, Evan and the twins and of course Evan’s mom. May God grant you all the peace you need to accept the future course of events.


  2. I spent hours talking to Evan’s mom at the hopsital with Jake and other times at your house over the years and she is a wonderful person. I have been thinking about her everyday and all of you!

  3. This post really hit home. There will also be no miracles for Flav. I also have to adjust what I am hoping for.

  4. Oh Lanie, I think it’s beautiful that you always look for the rainbows, and that you are teaching your wonderful children the same message of hope despite the rainy days.

  5. We should all be looking for rainbows everywhere every day! Thanks for the beautiful reminder. Praying for you and your family!

  6. Lanie, that’s a courageous resolution and fits right in with the rest of your courage. May Evan’s Mom pass peacefully and may you all keep warm memories of her. To have Alyssa and Fletcher share in your attendance is really wonderful and can feed their own memories of one of their grandmothers. My best to all of you.

  7. I just came across your blog by way of Heather Spohr’s blog – and I read the whole thing this evening. I don’t know what to say – what could be right to say – but you have to know that you are doing a wonderful job preserving Sawyer and Jake’s stories. I am so, so sorry that you have had to endure so much pain and loss. Really – there are no words. Love to you and your beautiful family.

  8. Sending lots of prayers to you all. xo

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