Telling the Truth

November 8, 2011 at 11:18 pm | Posted in Grief | 6 Comments
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Someone very close to our family (especially the twins) recently had a miscarriage.  She was 14 weeks.  The twins knew that there was a baby in her tummy.  As in the past, I tried to honestly explain to the twins what happened.  It does not always work.  I simply told them that the baby is no longer in her tummy.  I braced myself for 1,000 questions.  There was only 1.

“Where is the baby?”

Excellent question.  Where is the baby?

Trying to keep it simple and find the words that their 4-year-old minds can relate to, I responded, “The baby is playing with Sawyer and Jake.”

No follow-up questions.  End of discussion.  For the moment.

Every time the twins have seen our family friend since that day they ask about the baby.

“Are we sure that the baby is not still in her tummy?”

“Where is the baby?”

Sometimes out of the blue I will be reading bedtime stories and one of the twins will point to my stomach and ask if Sawyer is still in there.  I explain the best I can and keep on reading.  It is painful for me and our family friend to explain why our babies are no longer with us.  The twins, on the other hand, are not phased by these questions.

They are just observing.  (Just like the time in a public restroom when they were loudly counting the number of black people and white people in the room. No negatives.  Just counting).

They are double checking the facts of the world as they know it.

It is difficult to explain the unexplainable.

“Death cancels all but the truth.”  Proverb

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